Give Me Love
by CoffeeEyes
Summary: Blaine struggles to come to terms with his feelings for Cooper and the nature of their relationship. Sorry, it's hard to summarize too much without giving anything away... This story DOES contain incest. If you don't like it, don't read.
1. I'll Look After You

_"There now, steady love, so few come and don't go  
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know  
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around  
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down"  
- "Look After You" - The Fray_

* * *

Cooper and Blaine are ten and six when their mother passes away. Though Blaine is young, he still somewhat understands what it means when Cooper tells him one day that she's very, very sick. It's a late night in April when Blaine says goodnight to her without knowing that it'll be his last time doing so.

Cooper stays up late that night, aware that everything might not be okay – even though she keeps insisting that it will be. Blaine sleeps peacefully in the corner of the hospital room while Cooper sits at their mother's side, holding her hand.

"I know your dad might not always show it," She says softly, smiling at Cooper, "But he loves you. He loves you both very much."

Cooper nods, teary eyed, "I know, mom."

"Just be patient with him, okay honey?" She requests.

"I will." Though Cooper isn't really sure what her request means, he agrees.

She then glances across the room to her younger son who is still peacefully curled up in the chair and smiles at Cooper. "Take care of your brother, Cooper. He loves you and he's going to need you."

He nods, "I will."

He falls asleep holding her hand that night and almost sleeps throughout the night, only woken up when nurses come rushing in the room suddenly at four in the morning and kick him and Blaine out. Cooper stands outside the door holding onto his little brother who is crying in his arms, and he knows what is happening by the look on his dad's face.

"What's going on Coop?" Blaine sobs, looking up from where his head is buried in his shirt. "Is mom okay?"

Cooper's heart lurches painfully in his chest. He strokes his brother's curls softly, her voice ringing in his ears as he tries to think of the right thing to say to Blaine.

_Take care of your brother, Cooper._

"Everything is going to be fine," He murmurs, holding Blaine close.

* * *

When Blaine is in the seventh grade, he realizes just how serious the fights that his dad and Cooper get into are. Ever since their mother died, there has been tension between his older brother and their father. He's heard the yelling before, but it's never been _this_ bad. He's sitting in his room, doing homework when he hears his father yelling at the top of his lungs at Cooper downstairs. He wants to go down there, he really does, but he remembers something Cooper told him when he was eight –

_Never go downstairs when you hear me and dad fighting. I'll take care of it_.

It isn't until he hears his older brother running up the stairs and slamming the door that he gets worried. He hears his father throwing around a few things downstairs, and when the yelling and violence finally subsides, he sneaks out of his room and across the hall to Cooper's.

He knocks softly a couple of times on the door. He can hear a muffled sob from inside the room before Cooper yells, "Leave me alone!"

"Coop?" Blaine asks, his voice quiet. As soon as the word leaves his mouth, he hears Cooper crossing the room quickly. The door then flies open and he's met with his big brother standing on the other side, eyes red from crying.

He wipes his nose with the sleeve of his hoodie before straightening his posture and asking, "What do you want, Blaine?"

Blaine feels small when Cooper talks to him like this, and he immediately feels like the scared six year old sitting in the hospital room, unsure of what he could do to fix things. "I- I just wanted to know if you're okay."

Cooper's body quickly relaxes when he sees the worried look on his twelve year old brother's face, and he opens the door wider, "Come in." Blaine obeys and Cooper quickly shuts and locks his bedroom door behind him. He sits on his bed and motions for Blaine to sit with him.

"Are you alright?" Blaine asks again, worried. It makes his heart ache, seeing his brother like this and he wishes there was something he could do about it.

Cooper wipes his own tears away quickly, "Yeah, I'm okay…"

"What happened?" Blaine asks, still worried.

"It's complicated…" Cooper says, glancing toward the door and wondering if their dad is still as livid as he was ten minutes ago. "Let's just say dad isn't really the most open-minded person in the world." Blaine raises an eyebrow at him in confusion and Cooper just half-smiles in return, "I'm alright, Blaine."

Blaine wants to believe him – he really does – but the look on his brother's face has him worried. He feels an unfamiliar ache in his chest because he knows he can't cheer Cooper up. He can't make things better. He's sure that if he keeps prying, Cooper will just reply with something like _I'll tell you when you're older_ or _you're too young to understand_, so instead he just wraps his arms around his brother's middle and nuzzles his face into his chest. "Well, I still love you."

And he means it.

* * *

By his freshman year in high school, Blaine has known for a while that he doesn't like girls. Well, he likes them – he has plenty of friends that are girls – but he doesn't like them the way he's supposed to. He contemplates for a while whether or not he should tell his dad and decides against it. From the homophobic comments that he makes at Cooper every once in a while at the dinner table, he assumes that he wouldn't be very open-minded about it.

When he decides to tell Cooper, it's like something inside of him clicks and he doesn't know why.

He and his brother are on their way to get coffee one weekend when Blaine decides to tell him. He's not sure exactly what to say and he's not sure exactly how Cooper is going to respond, but he needs to get it out and remembers Cooper telling him once that he could tell him anything – no matter what.

"Can I tell you something?" Blaine asks, glancing nervously at his brother.

"Of course," Cooper replies cheerfully, smiling back at him. His smile fades, though, when he sees the look on Blaine's face. "Is everything okay?"

Blaine catches himself staring at his brother for one reason or another and shakes himself quickly out of his daze when he realizes that he's waiting for an answer, "Yeah, everything's fine… just- you promise not to judge me?"

Realizing that it's going to be a serious conversation, Cooper pulls the car over without warning, causing the car behind them to honk loudly as they speed by. Thankfully, they're on some side road and there isn't much traffic. "Blaine," Cooper says, turning off the engine and shifting in his seat to look at him, "I've told you before and I'll say it again: you can tell me anything. I know I might not be around as much as I was in high school because of my college classes, but that doesn't mean I'm not here for you, okay?"

Blaine nods, "Okay."

"So what's on your mind, bud?"

"Well, I… There's not really an easy way to say this," He swallows hard, nervous because he's never actually said it out loud yet, "I uh… I'm gay."

When Cooper just stares at him, wide eyed, Blaine immediately regrets his decision. "Or at least, I think so," He backtracks, "I mean-"

"Stop," Cooper says sternly, causing Blaine to jump. His tone then softens, "Don't second guess yourself. If that's who you are, you shouldn't be ashamed to tell me so."

"Well you didn't say anything and I didn't know…" Blaine trails off because suddenly Cooper is holding his hands and their faces are mere inches apart. He can feel his heart pounding in his ears and he's not sure why, but part of him doesn't mind it. Cooper smells like cologne and spearmint gum and he feels this warmness in his chest when he breaths his scent in in. He almost forgets what they're talking about until Cooper speaks again.

"I love you, Blaine," He says, smiling, "No matter what. I don't care if you like girls or boys or both or neither. I'll love you no matter what, okay?"

Blaine suddenly feels tears welling up in his eyes and he nods quickly, "Okay."

"C'mere," Cooper says softly before pulling him into an awkward hug over the center console. Though he's happy for his little brother, his face is serious when they pull apart. He remembers a conversation that he had with their father a couple of years ago, and he doesn't want Blaine to go through the same thing. "Just _don't_ tell dad," He warns, "I want you to be able to be yourself and be proud of it, but he's not quite as… accepting."

Blaine nods, somewhat understanding, though Cooper has never really mentioned his own sexuality before, "I know."

At that, Cooper straightens his posture and starts his car back up, "Alright. How about some coffee?"

* * *

It isn't until his junior year of high school that Blaine realizes _who_ exactly it is that he has feelings for.

By the time he's sixteen going on seventeen, Blaine is going to school at Dalton Academy. After the _incident_ at the dance his sophomore year, Cooper convinces their father to send him there, even though it is expensive.

Thankfully, Cooper is the first one to the hospital that night, and he's the first to hear what exactly happened – that Blaine went to a dance with a boy and they got jumped afterward. He somehow manages to convince their dad that Blaine and the boy only went as friends. He feels this immediate instinct to protect his little brother, and that is exactly what he intends on doing.

"Don't worry," Cooper says softly, when Blaine asks if he knew, "I've got things under control." And he does, because his mom's voice is still in the back of his head, reminding him to take care of his little brother.

It's that night that Blaine feels this weird ache in his chest. He's felt it a few times over the years – when he came out to Cooper, when Cooper showed him how to tie a tie for school dances, when Cooper kissed him on the forehead and sent him on his way to school on his first day of high school. He only feels it when he's around Cooper.

He didn't feel it earlier that night when the boy he went to the dance with gave him as kiss before they walked out to his car.

He _only_ feels it around Cooper, and at the hospital, he feels it when he sees him, crying and worried.

When he comes home from the hospital, Blaine is out of school for a few weeks, and while he's not busy with his own schoolwork, (which he keeps putting off) Cooper helps him around the house. The first week, Blaine feels handicapped. He has to ask for Cooper's help with literally everything, including showering. He puts it off for as long as he can (which is about two days because it's _Blaine_) before Cooper insists that he shower.

"I'll help you," Cooper says, smiling in that loving, big brother way, and Blaine can't say no. Once they're in the bathroom, Cooper helps Blaine rid himself of his shirt. He then grabs a bag from the kitchen and wraps it around the cast on Blaine's arm before glancing down at his sweatpants. "You know those have to come off, right?" He jokes when Blaine just stands there. The water in the shower is already running and hot and the bathroom is starting to steam up, but Blaine is still in his sweatpants that he's been wearing for days.

"I- well," Blaine stutters, nervous. He mentally kicks himself because he has _no_ idea why he's nervous about getting naked in front of his own brother, "I can get it from here."

"Don't be ridiculous," Cooper says, grinning, "Blaine, I've seen you naked a million times. We used to take _baths_ together when we were little, for Christ's sake. I'm not letting you fall and hurt yourself in there just because you suddenly don't want me to see you naked."

Blaine laughs, trying to calm his nerves. "Alright, alright." At that, his hand drops to the drawstring of his sweatpants. He undoes them as quickly as he can with one hand and slips them and his boxers off then stands there in front of his brother awkwardly. It isn't until he looks up that he realizes that Cooper is staring at him and he instantly feels blush creeping up his neck. That, and that ache in his chest that he seems to feel around Cooper more and more lately.

Cooper finally clears his throat and holds his hand out for Blaine to take. "Lets get you clean!" He jokes in a singsong voice.

* * *

It's toward the end of Blaine's junior year that he finally comes to terms with his feelings. His awkward moments with Cooper start becoming more and more frequent. Sometimes, he'll feel his heart race and his face will get hot just from brushing against Cooper in the hallway or trying to grab the box of cereal at the same time as him in the morning. He starts to realize that he doesn't feel that way around any other boys – not even ones that he finds attractive. He even gets a boyfriend for a short period of time in the middle of the school year, but they break up after Blaine realizes that there just isn't a _spark_.

Not like the spark he feels when he's around Cooper.

He knows it's wrong and he wants to shake the thought from his head as fast as he thinks it, but he can't.

He's known for quite a while that he's different from most of his friends, even The Warblers, but he didn't want to admit it was like _this_. He tries to talk himself out of it for a while. He decides that maybe he feels the way he does around Cooper because he never really had a mother figure. Cooper has taken care of him for so long, Blaine tries to convince himself that maybe he feels the way he does because his brother is the closest thing to a mother he'll ever get again.

But he knows that's not it, either.

He doesn't want to say it out loud, (_Hell_, he doesn't even want to _think_ it) but with each day that goes by, his feelings get stronger and harder to ignore. He doesn't want to admit it, but he knows that he has some sort of feelings toward his brother. Feelings that he knows he shouldn't have.

At first, Blaine wants to _die_. He feels like being sick. In fact, when he finally says it out loud, that's exactly what he does. He's sitting at his desk in his room, trying to concentrate on his homework but his mind just keeps repeating _Cooper, Cooper, Cooper, you like Cooper,_ and it's all he can think. Finally he sets his pencil down, toying with the idea before whispering "You like Cooper."

He immediately feels sick to his stomach and rushes out of his room to the bathroom and barely makes it to the toilet before throwing up. As if on cue, there's a knock on the bathroom door. "You okay?" It's Cooper's voice, soft and concerned on the other side, and it's the last voice that Blaine wants to hear.

"I'm fine!" He calls back and cringes at his tone because it sounds rude. He doesn't want it to, but he can't help it.

"O-okay," Cooper says softly back, "Just let me know if you need me."

And there it is again, that warm, aching feeling in his chest.

Thankfully, Blaine doesn't puke anymore, and when he's sure that Cooper is no longer standing outside the door, he returns quietly to his room.

"This is so fucked up," He mutters to himself, sitting back down in his chair. He wants to say that he's imagining things – that there has to be some other boy out there that makes him feel the things that Cooper does – but he knows that's not the case.

He mindlessly opens up his laptop as he sits there and types _google_ into the address bar. He stares at the website's home page for a good ten minutes, scared to type anything in because once he does, it's going to feel too real. So he stares at the webpage until he has the guts to type something into the search bar.

Taking in a deep breath, Blaine finally lays his fingers over the keyboard and types in the word "incest".

The first words that stand out to him before even clicking on any links are _crime_ and _abuse_. "Great," He mumbles under his breath, "As if I didn't already feel like shit."

He then decides to click on the first link, which happens to be Wikipedia, and immediately regrets it. There's a section called _between childhood siblings_, which he clicks on, and it only makes him feel worse. "The most commonly reported form of abusive sibling incest is abuse of a younger sibling by an older sibling," He reads out loud to himself, "Great, I'm even the minority when it comes to this…"

He reads a couple more articles that basically tell him the same thing – that he is attracted to his brother because they have a dysfunctional family life. Though he admits that yeah, their family isn't perfect, he doesn't want that to be the reason that he has feelings for _Cooper_. Cooper, his perfect, smart, caring and beautiful older brother. Maybe he's being sentimental, but he doesn't want an excuse. He wants an explanation. He wants something he can relate to. Something that tell him that it's okay – that he's not fucked up.

Finally, after searching through page after page of odd and downright offensive articles, Blaine finds one that he can bear reading. The article quotes someone who says, "You can't help who you fall in love with, it just happens."

At the words, Blaine's heart leaps.

_Love._

After reading a dozen or so articles, the last one is the only one that stands out to him. The other articles quote lawmakers and professors and psychologists saying that what he feels is wrong, abusive and criminal. With just one quote from an unnamed person who mentions _love_, Blaine suddenly feels somewhat better because _someone_ out there feels how he feels.

He loves Cooper. He knows it's probably wrong, and Cooper most likely doesn't feel the same way, but in that moment, he doesn't mind because he's finally figured it out – why he feels the way he does when he steals a glance at his older brother or brushes hands with him in the car.

He loves Cooper.


	2. Wide Eyes

**_Wide Eyes_**

* * *

After Blaine admits it to himself, he can't stop thinking about Cooper. Every time he passes his older brother in the hallway, he can't help but notice the way his cologne smells or the fact that he changed shampoos. Every time they sit down at the dinner table across from eachother, he can't help but notice when Cooper hasn't shaved in a couple of days. He can't help but notice the way his jaw curves and his muscles move (for Christs sake, he's watching his muscles as he eats). He has to stop himself from staring at him when they watch a movie together or when they go get coffee.

By the end of the school year, Blaine has to resort to avoiding Cooper because he's scared that one day he might slip up and tell him that he looks beautiful or – god forbid – kiss him.

Though Blaine finally feels free because he understands _why _he feels the way he does, he's also somewhat terrified. Though he's happy that he _knows _now that he loves Cooper, he also knows that there's nothing he can really do about it.

So by the end of the school year, Blaine is turning down Cooper's offers to get coffee on Sunday mornings and starts eating more meals in his room instead of at the table. He convinces himself that even though it feels wrong – even though his heart is aching because he's stopping himself from seeing Cooper – that it's the right thing to do. He also convinces himself that even though he and his brother have been close up until now, that maybe Cooper doesn't notice that he's been acting weird.

That's where he's wrong.

It's late afternoon only a couple of weeks after school gets out for the summer when there's a knock at Blaine's bedroom door. He's watching a movie on his computer because Cooper is watching TV downstairs, and he pauses it when he hears the knock. "Come in," He calls, assuming that it's his father. After over a month of avoiding Cooper, the older brother hadn't gone out of his way to try to talk to him and Blaine foolishly convinced himself that maybe he'd just let it be. That maybe Cooper would let him make things easy on himself.

When the door opens and his older brother is standing on the other side, though, he can't say he's surprised.

"Hey Coop," He manages to breathe out, trying to act casual. His heart is pounding though, because he hasn't had a one on one encounter with Cooper in weeks and frankly, it terrifies him. He tries to stop himself from staring but can't help it once the older boy is there in front of him. His hair is long – it looks like it needs to be trimmed – and messy on his head. He's wearing some dark skinny jeans and a _deep_ gray v-neck. Blaine's eyes linger on his chest and the way that his collar bones stick out just barely despite the muscles and just that sight causes his heart to pound even louder in his ears.

When he realizes that he's gaping, Blaine clears his throat and sits up straight. "What's up?"

Cooper shakes his head as if he's disappointed and without warning he lets himself into the room, closing the door behind him.

_Oh, fuck._

"Don't play that game with me," He says, his voice quiet but harsh.

Blaine's body thrills at the sound, even if Cooper sounds mad at him, because it's been a few weeks since they've actually had a legitimate conversation with eachother. "W-what do you mean?" He finally stutters out.

"_What's up?_" Cooper mimics, "Seriously, Blaine? _What's up?_"

Blaine isn't really sure what to say because he doesn't know what his brother is trying to get at. He doesn't have to think of anything though because Cooper is suddenly speaking again, "You've been avoiding me for weeks, Blaine. I don't know what I did wrong…"

"You didn't-" Blaine starts but immediately stops talking because he doesn't know how to explain himself to Cooper. Thankfully, he doesn't have to continue though because Cooper ignores him and keeps talking.

"We've always been so close," He says sadly, "I don't know what I did, but I don't like how things have been lately."

"Y- you didn't do anything wrong, Coop," Blaine says softly, "_Please_ don't think that."

"Well then what's going on?" He asks quickly, "Please tell me. Let me make things better."

Blaine's heart lurches because his brother is still the same older brother that he was when they were little. He's still the same way he was when Blaine was just six years old and he had to explain to him why their mom didn't wake up the next morning. Cooper has always looked out for him and has always tried to make things better, but this is something that he can't fix. Blaine wants to die because his brother just wants to make things okay and it's out of his control.

Blaine wants to die because it's his fault that Cooper is worried and upset.

"It's more complicated than that," He says carefully, trying to explain, "Please don't beat yourself up about it. It's not you, okay Coop?"

Cooper is quiet for a moment before sighing, "Well let me help you. _Please_, B. I don't like this. I miss you."

Blaine feels his heart sink. He takes a deep breath before speaking again. "I'm so sorry. I- its-" His voice breaks and before he knows it, he's crying then suddenly Cooper is there, kneeling down next to him on his bed and hugging him tight.

"It's okay," He whispers against Blaine, "I've got you. You're okay."

_No it's not_.

Blaine wants to tell him that no, not it's not okay. That it's never going to be okay until he tells him how he feels, but he can't. He can't put that on his big brother who has been nothing but supportive and loving toward him his entire life.

Instead, Blaine doesn't say anything. The little voice in the back of his head screams at him to pull away – screams at him not to breathe in his brother's sweet scent – but he ignores it because he's missed this. He nuzzles into Cooper's shoulder and takes a deep breath, savoring the familiar smell and the warmth of his body. It isn't until Cooper finally pulls away that Blaine shakes himself out of his daze.

"You don't want to talk about it, do you?" Cooper asks as they part, looking at him sadly.

Blaine shakes his head no even though his head is screaming at him to tell him. _Tell him what you really feel. Tell him that you love him_. "Not really…" He says quietly, "It's something I've kind of got to figure out on my own."

The older boy looks heartbroken but he nods his head because as long as he and Blaine are talking again, he's happy. "Alright. Well can we at least go get some coffee then?" He asks jokingly, trying to lighten the mood like he always does.

Blaine wipes the rest of the tears off of his face and nods quickly, "I'd like that."

The entire drive to the coffee shop that they _always _go to, Blaine can't stop staring at Cooper. He tries not to, he really does, but it feels like it's been way too long since he's just _looked_ and once he starts, he can't stop. Cooper's eyes are sparkling with happiness as he drives and the window is down, blowing his hair around his face. He looks thrilled to be hanging out with his little brother again which makes Blaine's heart swell.

He keeps repeating silently to himself, _you can't help who you fall in love with, it just happens_, and it makes him feel a little less guilty about staring open-mouthed at his brother who, thankfully, doesn't seem to notice. Blaine quickly remembers why he started avoiding Cooper in the first place – he's absolutely breathtaking. Even with the wind blowing it, his hair is still perfectly disheveled. The longer strands that need to be cut curl around his eyes with the wind and he flips his head every once in a while to get them out of his face. He has just a little bit of stubble, Blaine notices now that he's closer, and he has to stop himself from reaching out and touching his face. His eyes travel downward to where his v-neck is clinging tightly to his chest and he silently wishes that it hadn't been so warm out because now he's _really_ staring and it wouldn't be so bad if he were wearing a hoodie…

"You like what you see?" Cooper jokes, breaking the silence in the car.

Blaine jumps slightly at his voice and he mentally freaks out for a moment because he thinks he might have blown it, but when he looks at Cooper and the smile playing on his lips (and don't get him started on those _lips_) he realizes that he's just joking. Blaine shakes himself out of it, "Sorry."

Cooper shrugs at Blaine's seriousness and decides to turn on the radio and quickly plugs his ipod in and chooses a playlist which is mostly just acoustic music. It's relaxing as they drive together and listen to it and before they know it, they're pulling into a parking spot and getting out of the car.

It's quiet as the two boys sit in the coffee shop and wait for their drinks and Blaine feels guilty because it's _his_ fault. It's his fault that they have nothing to talk about because they haven't properly talked or hung out in weeks and he feels absolutely terrible. He knows that Cooper is dying to ask him what's really wrong – it's practically on the tip of his tongue – but he won't because he respects the fact that Blaine wants his privacy and that makes him feel even worse.

Finally, Blaine opens his mouth to speak, just as Cooper does. They both get about half of a word out before each shutting their mouths. Cooper laughs, "Go ahead."

Blaine shakes his head, "It wasn't important. You go." And it wasn't. He was just going to attempt to make small talk and he hopes that Cooper can come up with something better.

"I was just going to say that I've missed this," Cooper says warmly, smiling wide. He reaches across the table to grab Blaine's hand, which causes Blaine's body to tense involuntarily. It's not that he doesn't want Cooper touching him (it's completely the opposite) but the sudden contact surprises him. Just as fast as Cooper's hand is there, it's gone. He pulls it away quickly, looking worriedly at Blaine, who is staring down at his own hand which feels like it is on fire after Cooper's touch.

Blaine shakes his head, "I've missed this too, Coop. A lot." It's the truth. He has missed his afternoons with his brother. He has missed going on drives with him and watching movies with him and just being with him.

Cooper smiles back, even though he's still looking at Blaine's hand strangely, "Hey… I've been thinking – and if you don't want to you don't have to – but some friends from school were talking about going camping here in a couple of weeks… I want to go, but I think it would be a lot more fun if you came with..."

Blaine raises an eyebrow. He's only met a couple of Cooper's college friends, probably due to the fact that Cooper _hates_ introducing people to their father. "Are you sure? I mean… won't I be the youngest one there?"

Cooper shrugs, "You're younger than me, and I think you're pretty cool. They'll like you."

Though it shouldn't, Cooper's compliment makes Blaine blush. "Well… Yeah, I guess I could go."

Cooper's face immediately lights up, "You'll have fun, I promise!"

The voice in the back of Blaine's head is screaming at him not to go. He's going to be alone with his brother (and some of his friends) for a weekend or longer with no bedroom doors to shut him out with. No place to hide if he is suddenly overcome with a wave of emotions because of Cooper (which seems to happen a lot lately). He knows that he should probably politely decline, but he can't because his older brother looks incredibly excited and he can't bear to disappoint him or hurt him anymore. He takes a deep breath and smiles back at Cooper, who is grinning wildly.

_This should be interesting._


	3. All I Want is the Taste

_**All I Want is the Taste That Your Lips Allow**_

* * *

Blaine's heart practically leaps out of his chest every time he so much as thinks about camping. The date is set – they're going June thirteenth through the fifteenth. It's a Friday through Sunday and Blaine doesn't know if he's more excited or nervous to spend three days alone with his brother and his friends. Cooper is excited too – he spends the weeks leading up to the trip dragging Blaine to various camping and outdoors stores looking for tents and sleeping bags and any other cool camping things that he can find.

Before he knows it, he and Cooper are following a jeep full of his brother's friends down the highway one Friday morning, on their way to go camping. Thankfully, his friends all seem very nice and Blaine hopes that they can have a good time together. Cooper is wearing some ridiculous outfit that he bought from one of the camping stores that they visited and singing along loudly with the radio as they drive, windows down, the summer air blowing through the car. Though he had been nervous about it at first, Blaine is glad that he decided to go camping, and he hopes that hanging out with his brother _and_ his friends will help him get his mind off of more serious things for a while.

Hopefully.

They pull into their camping spot late in the day, and Cooper screams "We're here!" as he jumps out of the car to celebrate. Their camping spot_ is_ really beautiful – there are huge green pine trees surrounding the area, making them completely secluded from any nearby camping spots, a big open clearing in front of them to set up tents, and even a fire pit, which Cooper becomes incredibly excited about. He's almost like a child as he runs around the campsite, giddy and yelling about how perfect it is.

It doesn't take long for Cooper and Blaine to set up their tent and they go help the others with theirs as soon as they're done. Cooper's older friends, Andy and Taylor get to work on pulling the cooler full of food (and beer, of course beer, thanks to Cooper) out of the jeep while his younger friend, Danny and his girlfriend, April search the area for decent firewood.

"Isn't this perfect?" Cooper comments softly, leaning against the jeep where Blaine is standing, admiring the area.

He nods in agreement, "It's gorgeous."

Cooper hums in response and it's silent between the two boys before he clears his throat, "Do you wanna go check the area out?"

Blaine looks up, "Don't we- I mean, shouldn't we stay and help?" He glances over at Cooper's friends who are working hard to get their campsite put together, then looks back up at his brother, who shrugs in response.

"They're not complaining now. I think they'll be fine for fifteen minutes."

Though Blaine had promised himself that he'd avoid it as much as possible while camping, he agrees and ventures off with his brother into the woods because his heart is pounding and there is an ache in his chest and all he wants is to be alone with him for a few minutes. It's silent as they walk together through the gorgeous landscape, but Blaine can't really bring himself to care. He misses his simple, quiet moments with his brother, and is going to cherish this one.

After Cooper and Blaine return to the campsite, the six of them decide to go on a longer hike up to some nearby caves and by the time they get back to camp afterward, it's getting dark out. Andy cooks some food over the fire, and the six of them sit around the dim light together, talking and joking and sharing stories. When Cooper gets up to grab himself something to drink, Blaine is surprised when he hands him a beer, too.

"It's not like a park ranger is going to be coming by any time soon," Cooper says, shrugging and sitting down in his chair across the fire from him, "Besides, you deserve to relax and have some fun." Blaine knows that Cooper is talking about whatever has been bugging him the past few months, and he decides the drink couldn't hurt and pops it open.

A couple of beers in, Cooper stands again and runs to the car to retrieve the guitar he had brought along, which Blaine had completely forgotten about. He remembers teasing his brother about it before they left the day before saying _come on Cooper, you don't want to be _that _guy_, and Cooper seems to remember the conversation too because he smirks at him as he carries the instrument back to his seat while his friends cheer. He plays a few songs by himself – mostly just acoustic versions of top 100 songs that he taught himself as a joke – but once he's done playing Super Bass by Nicki Minaj, he turns his attention to his little brother who is watching him with an amused look on his face.

"You better sing this one with me," Cooper says, smiling across the fire at Blaine, who rolls his eyes in return.

"And what makes you think I'd do that?" Blaine teases back, the couple of beers he's had giving him some courage.

Cooper just laughs in response and even though he's buzzed, Blaine can't help but note how _beautiful_ his laugh is. His thoughts are interrupted though, when Cooper starts playing the first notes to _Give Me Love_ by Ed Sheeran on his guitar.

"_Fuck_, I love this song," Blaine mutters, causing his brother's friends to chuckle at his reaction.

Cooper starts by singing the first lines and Blaine's heart skips a beat because his brother has an incredible voice and somehow he had forgotten it until now. But _now_, now he's staring in awe at Cooper's lips as he sings, jokingly faking a bit of a British accent as he does so. He also can't help but note the lyrics of the song, and wish that Cooper actually was singing it to him.

"_Give me love like her,__  
__'cause lately I've been waking up alone,__  
__Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt,__  
__Told you I'd let them go"_

Without thinking about it, Blaine joins in, singing the second half of the verse and Cooper's face lights up as he does so. He can't help but find it funny – in some sick way – that the lyrics he is singing are _incredibly_ relevant.

"_And that I'll fight my corner,__  
__Maybe tonight I'll call ya,__  
__After my blood turns into alcohol,__  
__No, I just wanna hold ya"_

His face must have showed how he felt, too, because as the two boys sing the chorus together, Cooper eyes him warily from across the fire, silently asking if he is okay. Blaine ignores the look, though, hoping it will go away and instead concentrates on singing "_My, my, my, my, oh, give me love"_.

He takes over the beginning of the second verse, too, belting it like he does when he's alone. He means the lyrics as he sings them.

"_Give me love like never before,__  
__'cause lately I've been craving more,__  
__And it's been a while but I still feel the same,__  
__Maybe I should let you go"_

Cooper's gaze turns from worried to confused to almost upset as Blaine sings the words back at him and when the second half of the verse comes around again, he belts is back to his little brother.

"_You know I'll fight my corner,__  
__And that tonight I'll call ya,__  
__After my blood is drowning in alcohol,__  
__No, I just wanna hold ya"_

The look his brother gives him as he sings sends shivers down Blaine's spine and he forgets how to speak for a second as he watches him. It isn't until the chorus begins again that he joins in again, voice blending with Cooper's as his friends look on, completely oblivious as to what is going on. (Hell, Blaine isn't even quite sure what's going on.)

"_Give a little time to me or burn this out,__  
__We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,__  
__All I want is the taste that your lips allow,__  
__My, my, my, my, oh give me love"_

The boys finish out the rest of the song, belting it loudly to eachother and isn't until the last _"My, my, my, my, oh give me love"_ that Blaine realizes that the song is over. He and Cooper sit there in silence, staring at eachother for a moment as the other four other people around them clap and mumble about how good the song was. The all too familiar ache is in Blaine's chest again and he can't help it as he stares at his brother from across the fire wondering _what the hell_ that was. He knew that yeah, maybe it wasn't the most appropriate song for him to be singing to Cooper, but it's not like Cooper _knew_. They had sang the song a million times in the car and at home together without it being so intense...

But when had Cooper gotten so… _upset?_ His brother's eyebrows are knitted together in confusion and his face looks worried and for a split second, Blaine thinks _oh god, what if he knows_ but is shaken out of his thoughts when Andy asks if they know any other songs by Ed Sheeran.

Cooper tears his gaze from Blaine's to talk to his friend and while everyone is distracted, Blaine takes the opportunity to wander off from the campfire and into the trees. He leans against the nearest pine, holding his stomach because he feels like he's going to throw up just at the thought that _maybe_ his brother knows how he feels. Thankfully, after a few deep breaths, he manages to hold it down, and instead just stands there, leaning against the tree and trying not to freak out. He knows that it's near impossible for Cooper to know how he feels unless he can read his mind, but the look he was giving him from across the campfire has Blaine's head spinning.

Suddenly, there's a hand on Blaine's shoulder and he's spinning around to find his brother standing behind him, a look of concern on his face. "Hey are you okay?" He asks softly, "You look like you just saw a ghost."

Blaine shakes his head quickly, trying to snap out of it, "Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I just don't feel good."

Cooper eyes him and for a second Blaine thinks he doesn't believe him. "How much have you had to drink?" He asks, looking him up and down.

"Only two beers," Blaine answers quickly, "I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

He quickly realizes that he shouldn't have said _don't worry about it_ because now Cooper is definitely worrying about it by the look he's giving him. Instead of arguing, he just nods though, "Alright, well lets go back to camp and you can relax, okay?"

Blaine wants to tell him that he'd rather not – that he'd rather stay in the woods or go to bed – but he doesn't want to worry Cooper even more so he agrees and follows him back to camp. It's getting late anyway and it isn't long after they return that Cooper's friends start getting up and heading off to bed. Blaine finds himself hoping that he and Cooper will head to bed soon as well so he doesn't have to think about things, but judging by the look on his brother's face as everyone else goes to bed, that's not going to happen.

Almost immediately after Danny and April find their way to their tent, Cooper is standing up and walking over to where Blaine is sitting. "What do you say we go for a walk?" He asks, smiling down at him. Blaine knows that it's a loaded question – he knows that Cooper wants to talk about things – and he wants to say no but he _can't _because he can never say no to Cooper.

"Isn't it a little dark for that?" Blaine asks, trying to avoid it.

Cooper just shrugs, "That's why I bought flashlights."

And at that point, Blaine knows that there is no arguing it. He doesn't _want_ to talk to Cooper about things but he doesn't want to say no, and he most certainly doesn't want to upset him so he nods and reluctantly agrees to venture off into the woods with him. Cooper excitedly runs to their tent to grab a couple of flashlights and returns to Blaine in less than a minute, handing him one and dragging him up out of his seat.

"Where are we going?" Blaine asks as Cooper drags him away from camp and into the trees.

"This really cool place I read about," Cooper answers simply, smiling down at him.

"You haven't been there?" Blaine asks, raising his eyebrows at his brother, "And you think we're going to find it in the dark?"

"It's an adventure!" Cooper just replies excitedly and pulls him along, "Besides if we stay on the path, we're bound to find something."

Blaine just rolls his eyes but follows his brother and tries to cheer up because he knows that's what Cooper is trying to do. He decides that maybe, if he sees that he's in a better mood, he'll decide that they can turn back and go to bed.

"Stop trying to fake it," Cooper says, snapping him out of his thoughts. He gives Blaine a knowing glance, which causes the younger Anderson to freak out for a moment. When he doesn't say anything, Cooper speaks up again, "Yes, I'm trying to cheer you up, but you don't have to fake it for me. I know you too well. Besides, I wanted to hang out with you alone. I thought it would be fun."

Blaine immediately feels guilty because Cooper is just trying, _trying_ like he always has, to be a good big brother. "Sorry," Blaine mumbles out as he follows him down the path, "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Want to talk about it?" Cooper asks, hopeful that maybe Blaine is finally opening up to him.

"Not really…" Blaine says softly, "I'm sorry." It breaks his heart to know that he's doing this to Cooper. He knows that all his brother wants to do is make him feel better like he always has, but he can't. Not this time. This is something Blaine has to figure out on his own, even if it hurts Cooper.

It's silent the rest of their walk and just as Blaine is about to ask if they can turn back, the boys find themselves in a big clearing. Cooper turns to Blaine, a wide smile spread across his face, before he shines his flashlight into the darkness in front of them. At first it's hard to see and Blaine's eyes can't really make it out, but as they get closer, he realizes that they're at the mouth of a big cave. He assumes that it's gorgeous in the daylight and he's sure that plenty of people hike there every day, but right now it's silent besides the sound of water trickling down the rocks and into the little creek nearby.

"This is it," Cooper says breathlessly and he stares up as if he can see it perfectly.

"I'm sure it's beautiful when it's light out…" Blaine starts, following his brother into the cave, "But _why_ did we have come here at night?"

"Because it's peaceful," Cooper answers simply, "I figured it would be a good place to come and clear your head." He sits down in the sand and motions for Blaine to sit next to him. He does, even though he knows that it's going to lead to a long talk. The light from the full moon filters softly through the leaves of the trees above them, speckling Cooper in patches of light and Blaine can't help but admire how _beautiful_ he looks.

"Cooper, I-" Blaine tries to start telling his brother, yet again, that there's nothing to talk about – that he has to figure it out on his own – but Cooper cuts him off.

"Don't say that," He pleads, knowing that Blaine was about to avoid things again, "Please. I saw the way you were looking at me during that song. Something is on your mind. All I want to do is help, B. Please let me help."

The look in his eyes is what really kills Blaine. Even though it's dark, he can see the pleading look in Cooper's eyes – a look that says _I only want to help_. Blaine's chest aches at the sight and he wants to curl up and die because Cooper is begging him to tell him what's wrong and he has no idea how _messed up_ it really is. "Coop…" Blaine says, trying to come up with something, _anything_ that will convince him not to pry because if he does, Blaine isn't sure how long he can keep his mouth shut.

"_Please_, B," Cooper begs, "I'm trying. I'm trying really hard here to take care of you, like mom said. I know it's hard not having her, and dad isn't really the best person to talk to about things, but that's why you have me. I _want_ to help, Blaine."

Blaine can practically feel his heart breaking at Cooper's words and at the look on his face. He only wants what's best for his little brother, and Blaine knows that. "I-" He starts, nervous because Cooper is slowly breaking down that wall and he's terrified of what might slip out, "It's really complicated, Coop."

"I can do complicated," Cooper insists, "Is it a boy?"

Blaine opens his mouth to speak but closes it immediately. He doesn't want to say anything wrong but with the way Cooper is looking at him, he can't help it, "Yeah."

"See, it's not that complicated," Cooper says half smiling.

Blaine ducks his head and mutters under his breath, "You have no idea…"

"Then help me understand," Cooper says softly, taking Blaine's hands, which causes him to jump, "I hate seeing you like this, Blaine."

Though Blaine just wants to keep denying him, he can't. He wants to keep telling Cooper that _it's nothing, I promise_ but he can't make his brother more upset than he already is. All he wants is to make him happy and if being honest with him will make him happy (even if it's just for a split second before he's disgusted) then he'll do it. If that's what it takes, he'll do it because he can't deny that he's in love with his brother and only wants to make him happy.

"You're going to hate me," Blaine starts, trying to talk Cooper out of it – trying to give him a way out. _You don't need to know this, Cooper, you really don't._

"I could never hate you. Nothing you can tell me right now would make me hate you," Cooper replies and Blaine curses himself for not seeing that one coming.

"You can't say I didn't warn you," Blaine retorts, trying to give his brother more time to back out of it.

"Blaine…" Cooper says in a motherly voice, "Come on."

At that, Blaine sighs. He's wringing his hands in his lap so that Cooper doesn't notice how badly he is shaking and he looks down because the last thing he wants to do is look him in the eyes. _Not now._ He's nervous. Horribly, horribly nervous. That, and he knows that within minutes, Cooper will know why.

"I don't even know where to start…" Blaine sighs, still looking down.

Cooper then grabs one of his wrists without warning, stopping Blaine's hands from moving and stopping him from shaking. Blaine can feel Cooper's eyes on him and though he doesn't want to, he looks up. His brother's eyes are silently pleading for him to open up, to tell him what's going on, and though Blaine knows that it will ultimately upset Cooper, he decides to tell him. He doesn't know if it's those eyes or if it's due to the fact that he has an innate instinct to please him, but he decides to tell Cooper.

"I-" Blaine starts, his voice catching in his throat.

"Shh… You're okay," Cooper soothes, his thumb rubbing softly against his wrist.

Blaine's heart is pounding and his chest is aching and he wants to throw up, but he doesn't. Instead, he speaks. "I know this is _incredibly_ fucked up and if you hate me I understand…" His mind starts to wander off for a second because _what if Cooper is disgusted? What if it pisses him off and he wants nothing to do with you and you need to find a ride home?_

The thought crosses Blaine's mind, but then he looks up at his brother again and the look of love and trust on his face makes him feel slightly better. He takes a deep breath.

"Well, I don't know how else to put this," Blaine says, on the verge of shaking again, "I uh… I've thought about it a lot and I've tried to talk myself out of it… At first I just thought I was being crazy or stupid but the more I thought about it the more it made sense and I _know_ it's fucked up, it's so, _so_ fucked up but I can't help it…"

Blaine's voice cracks and he has to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down for a moment before looking back up at his brother. "I love you Coop," He finally blurts out, and once those words are out, he can't stop the rest from coming, "And not like I _should _love you. And I've tried so hard to stop myself from thinking it and from feeling it. I've dated people and I've tried _so_ hard to feel for them what I feel for you but I can't and I hate it and I know you're going to hate me for it too, but I can't help it. I've _tried_ so hard to stop it, but I can't."

Blaine can feel a few stray tears trickling down his face and he hates himself for crying but he can't help it. "I tried to distance myself from you because I thought it would make things easier, but then you got worried about me and I couldn't bear to see you worried or upset… I thought I had this under control, but I obviously don't. I'm _so_ sorry, Cooper. I know you don't want to hear this, but that's what has been wrong. That's what has been bothering me. So there it is. Now you know."


	4. We Found Each Other in the Dark

**_We Found Each Other in the Dark_**

* * *

_"So bright, the flames burned in our hearts,_  
_That we found each other in the dark._  
_Like beasts out in the wilderness_  
_We are fighting to survive and convalesce."_

* * *

Cooper is silent for what seems like forever.

After a few moments, Blaine can't look at him any longer and he lowers his eyes. He stares at his hands, which he had begun wringing again, and wonders what exactly is going on in his brother's mind right now. He wonders what he's thinking, why he hasn't said anything.

_It's probably because he thinks you're fucked up._

Blaine feels physically ill again. If his entire body wasn't in shock, he would stand and wander off into the woods to throw up, but because he can't physically move, he just sits there, waiting for the inevitable. Waiting for Cooper – the one person who had understood him and been there for him his entire life – to tell him that he's sick, that he's fucked up. To leave him.

Instead, Cooper is just silent.

There are crickets chirping off in the distance and as soon as Blaine notices them, they're the only thing he can hear, loud in his ears.

That is, until Cooper finally speaks.

"_Fuck_."

It's only one word, but it's something. Blaine glances up at where his brother is sitting, his head in his hands and his body shaking slightly and he immediately feels terrible. _You didn't have to tell him. You could have lied. Now look what you've done._

"This is so fucked up," Cooper finally manages to say, his voice soft and shaky. His head is still in his hands and he's shaking it back and forth slightly.

Blaine's heart sinks because for a second, he had hoped that his open-minded brother would understand. He clears his throat, "I'm sorry, Coop… I can go if you want…"

"No," Cooper says suddenly, still shaking his head, "Don't go."

It's silent again as Blaine waits for Cooper to say something, _anything_. He knows that he's probably taking it all in, but the fact that he's being quiet terrifies him.

Finally, after what seems like forever, Cooper lifts his head, "This is the _last_ thing I wanted for you, Blaine."

He isn't sure exactly what his brother means, but he takes it as a bad thing, that maybe he's disappointed and he hangs his head, "I'm sorry-"

"_Don't,_" Cooper says immediately, hand reaching out and cupping his chin. He pulls his little brother's face up to look him in the eyes. "What I _mean_ is I wish you didn't feel this way, because I want your life to be easy. I want you to do great things and get out of Ohio and I don't want you to get bullied more than you already are."

"But you don't think it's-"

"No," Cooper says, cutting Blaine off, "I don't think _you_ are fucked up at all. To be honest, I uh… I feel the same way, Blaine, I just wish you didn't."

At that, Blaine's eyes widen comically. If he just heard right, his brother – his brother that up until now, he thought would never, in a million years feel the same way – actually has feelings for him. His heart is now racing and it takes him a second to remember how to speak before he finally manages, "Y- you mean, you…"

"I love you, Blaine. I always have. I figured that something like this would _never_ happen though, so I pushed it down, because that's what I thought was best for you."

"I don't-" Blaine stutters, still trying to gather himself, "You mean you feel the same way?"

"I do," Cooper says matter-of-factly and Blaine envies his ability to be so sure of himself.

"How long?" Blaine asks, feeling numb because he's still trying to grasp the fact that he told his brother that he had feelings for him, and his brother feels the same way.

"As long as I can remember," Cooper says honestly, "I never said anything because I didn't want this for you…"

"But I can't help how I feel," Blaine says, "_I_ want this for me…"

And in a second, Cooper's face is mere inches from his own. His brother smiles slightly before wiping a couple of stray tears off of his face, and then he leans back, sitting on his knees. He takes one of Blaine's hands before softly saying, "It's okay."

Then, before he can register what he's doing, Blaine is leaning forward toward Cooper and cupping his face in his hands. He can feel his warm breath on his lips and he can smell his brother's scent and before he knows it, he's leaning in close, almost pressing their lips together. They're just barely, _barely_ touching and it takes all of Blaine's strength – and probably Cooper's too – not to close the gap. "I want to…" He says softly, asking his brother for permission to kiss him because he knows that once it happens, there's no stopping it.

"Then do it," Cooper replies, his voice thick and just the sound of it sends this _whoosh_ of heat through Blaine's body. Then he's grabbing the back of his older brother's neck and pressing their lips together.

It feels as if he's been waiting for this one kiss for his entire life. When their lips meet, something inside of Blaine clicks and in that one moment, all of the waiting and worrying is suddenly worth it. Cooper sighs out through his nose and kisses him back, one hand traveling around Blaine's waist and the other finding his hand and intertwining their fingers.

It isn't until Cooper parts his lips and his tongue darts out and Blaine finally registers _holy shit holy shit Cooper is kissing you _and he draws in a sharp breath, causing him to pull away.

"Are you okay?" Cooper asks, immediately concerned when he see's Blaine's face.

He just chuckles, "Yeah, I'm okay. I think it just took me a second to realize that this was really happening…"

Cooper laughs and shakes his head at his little brother, but when he looks back up, his eyes are dark and lust filled, "Does that mean I can keep kissing you?"

Instead of answering, Blaine just leans forward again and presses his lips hard against his brother's again. Cooper's mouth is still parted from his question, and when their lips meet his tongue instinctively darts out and into Blaine's mouth.

And then Blaine is overwhelmed by the taste of his brother. There's just a slight hint of alcohol in his breath from the drinks he had earlier, but he still tastes like boy and more importantly, _Cooper_, and it's better than Blaine could have imagined. Then Cooper is tilting his head and deepening the kiss and Blaine was wrong when he thought it couldn't get any better because this – _this_ is amazing. He involuntarily whines into Cooper's mouth and he can feel his brother's lips curl up into a little smirk as they kiss and he _knows _that he's going to hear about it later, but right now he can't bring himself to care. Right now, he can't imagine kissing anyone else but Cooper. Not that he'd ever want to.

Cooper's hands travel down Blaine's body as they kiss – down his biceps, his ribs, and to his hips. He just barely lifts at the hem of his little brother's shirt, playing with the material and testing the waters before making skin contact. And then he touches Blaine's hips. Just at the slight touch of fingertips, Blaine's body tenses and he whimpers into the Cooper's mouth again.

The older Anderson pulls away, just barely so he can speak. "I feel like I've been waiting forever to kiss you," He murmurs against Blaine's lips, breath hot against them as he toys with the shirt and the little patch of skin that has been exposed, and the words shoot through Blaine like electricity. His brother, his older brother, has been thinking about kissing him – imagining what his lips taste like, what they feel like. Blaine practically melts at the thought because he's been imagining the same thing, too.

"Jesus, Coop," He whispers, then drags their lips back together. The kiss is heated and it's mostly teeth and tongues and it's _intense_ because both boys finally register that _this is real, this is actually happening._ Cooper's hands are then flat against Blaine's stomach, pushing his shirt up slightly and the younger boy shivers slightly at the cool summer air against his skin.

Then Cooper's mouth moves to his neck. "I wish I could leave a mark," Cooper breathes thickly against his skin as he kisses and bites at it gently, and just the thought has a familiar heat pooling in Blaine's stomach because _Cooper wants to mark him_.

And then, to Blaine's dismay, Cooper is gone from his neck and pecking his lips quickly before pulling away. He smiles reluctantly at Blaine, "We should probably head back…"

Blaine sighs, and he suddenly feels like a little kid again, out late with Cooper and his friends and begging him _please Cooper, can't we stay out just a little later?_ "Do we _have _to go?"

Cooper chuckles, "I wish we didn't, but it's getting late, and we need sleep for tomorrow." He then stands, brushes himself off, and holds out his hands for Blaine to take. It isn't until he stands that Blaine realizes that his legs feel weak from the adrenaline that had been pumping through his body. "You okay?" Cooper asks, steadying him when he sways slightly.

"Yeah, my legs are just kind of weak," Blaine says, shaking it off.

"I have a tendency to do that to people," Cooper jokes, and Blaine smacks at his chest playfully.

As they walk away from the peaceful cave and the sound of the trickling water gets quieter, Cooper reaches down and grabs Blaine's hand, lacing their fingers together. The action makes Blaine's heart race because Cooper actually wants to hold his hand, and the reality of the situation hits him. Cooper feels the same way. Cooper wants to be with him. He smiles to himself as they walk and Cooper seems to notice. "Why are you so happy?" He asks jokingly, because_ of course _he knows why.

"I was just thinking that things couldn't have gone better…" Blaine muses. Cooper just smiles in return and when he does, Blaine finds his mind wandering. "Hey Coop?"

"Hmm?" Cooper is now swinging their arms as they walk, smiling to himself.

"This is going to sound so stupid," He says, trying to find the right way to say it, "But I mean… I didn't even think – or well, I guess I was taking a huge risk here, cause not only are you my brother, but I didn't know…"

"That I was gay?" Cooper finishes, still smiling. The question hasn't phased him one bit.

"Yeah…" Blaine says, feeling stupid.

Cooper just shrugs, "I never felt the need to tell you. I thought about, when you came out, but I didn't want to make it about me. I wanted to make sure you were okay first… And then after that, I never really had a reason to say anything about it. I was more worried about you than anything. But I mean, now it's obvious, _right_?"

The answer makes Blaine's heart leap because it's his typical brother, always looking out for him first. He squeezes Cooper's hand back, glad that he has someone like him as a sibling, and better yet, a lover. "_Now_ it's obvious," Blaine muses back.

The two boys make their way back to camp in silence, holding hands as they walk through the woods. Thankfully, when they return to camp, everyone is still asleep and nobody has noticed their absence. They retreat into their tent, where without warning, Cooper lips are attached to the back of Blaine's neck and his arms come to wrap around his waist from behind. He mouths gently at the skin under his hairline and his hands find the hem of his shirt again, only this time, he tugs up on it. Blaine lifts his arms and Cooper pulls the shirt over his head then turns him around so they're facing eachother. He smiles and kisses Blaine quickly before removing his own shirt and tossing it across the tent.

Cooper then lays down where his sleeping bag is and pats it gently, "Care to join me?" Blaine just laughs and shakes his head, but joins Cooper on the ground. The older brother opens up the sleeping bag and climbs in, leaving enough room for Blaine as well. "See, aren't you glad I got the big sleeping bags now?"

Blaine rolls his eyes but nods, "Yes, I'm glad." He lays next to his brother who is propped up on his elbow and smiling at him lovingly.

"Tonight was a good night, if I do say so myself," Cooper says, smiling sleepily.

Blaine nods in agreement and he wants to lean forward and kiss Cooper, but they haven't really talked about what they are yet and he doesn't want to overstep a boundary so instead he just mimics Cooper's actions and props himself up on his elbow. Cooper, sensing Blaine nerves, leans forward so their faces are close again and smirks, "You know you can kiss me, B. You don't have to ask."

And the words are enough for Blaine. He immediately leans forward and catches his brother's parted lips in a quick kiss. When he pulls away, Cooper lays down and stretches his arms out for Blaine to lay next to him. He complies, snuggling into his brother's arms and lets out a deep breath when Cooper kisses the skin under his ear. "Goodnight, Blaine." His voice is soft and his breath sends a shiver down Blaine's spine.

"Goodnight, Coop," Blaine whispers back, nuzzling into Cooper's arms.

Blaine awakes the next morning to the smell of bacon cooking outside of the tent and a few hushed voices talking. When he turns over, he finds that Cooper must already be up because the tent is empty and so is half of his sleeping bag. He sighs, because he would have liked to give him a good morning kiss, and stretches before standing. The fact that he wanted to, and _could_ give Cooper a kiss thrills him and he smiles to himself as he pulls his shirt over his head because things are finally going right. He doesn't know how or why, but by some miracle, Cooper loves him back and wants him too, and just the thought makes him smile wide before stepping out of the tent and into the warm sunlight.

When he emerges from the tent, he has to stop himself from gaping at the sight of his brother, still shirtless, sitting next to the fire and cooking breakfast. Cooper sees Blaine from the corner of his eye and grins up at him before winking – the boy actually _winks_ – and going back to talking with Danny about something. Blaine has to stop himself from freaking out because Cooper is _actually_ looking at him that way, and he makes his way over to a chair by the campfire.

Though he knows he shouldn't – because he _knows_ Cooper will give him shit about it if he catches him looking – he lets himself gape a little at his older brother while he's distracted. He's wearing the same navy sweatpants from the night before and his hair is still disheveled from sleeping on the ground but he looks absolutely perfect to Blaine. He _always_ looks perfect to Blaine. And his _body_. Blaine has to hold back his excitement because he realizes that he gets to hold that body tonight when they go back to sleep. That perfect body is now _his_ and that fact alone is enough to make Blaine's head spin.

Blaine only realizes that he's gaping when Cooper looks up at him from his conversation and shoots him a sly smile. The look practically gives Blaine butterflies and he has to look away before he's temped to grab his brother and kiss him in front of everyone.

After breakfast that morning, the group decides to go for a hike and as they walk, Blaine finds himself at the back of the group with his brother, who keeps sending him devious smiles. It isn't until they reach their destination that Blaine realizes why. _Of course,_ when they emerge from the woods, Blaine finds himself looking at a massive cave surrounded by tourists and other hikers. Though he had only seen it in the dark before, it's unmistakable and he shoots Cooper a glance. The other boy just simply smiles and grabs Blaine's hand and squeezes it. The action makes Blaine's heart ache and he finds himself wishing that it were night again so they could be alone.

Thankfully, Blaine gets his wish earlier than he thinks. It's about nine when the majority of the group heads off to bed that night, tired from hiking all day, and it isn't long before it's just Blaine and Cooper sitting by themselves at the campfire.

"I wish we didn't have to go home," Blaine sighs, poking at the fire with a stick.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Cooper says, looking up at him, "I can't wait to sleep in my own bed again." Blaine laughs in return, but doesn't say anything because the thought of going home makes him nervous. Throughout the day, he and Cooper had stolen glances and kisses and had little moments when nobody was looking, but he can't help but be scared that things might change once they go home. Cooper senses his nerves and is immediately patting the seat next to him, "Come here."

Blaine stands and walks to the other side of the fire where Cooper is sitting and joins him. Cooper immediately grabs both of his hands, "Stop it."

"Stop what?" Blaine asks trying to act as if he isn't freaking out a little on the inside.

"Stop second guessing things," He says, smiling, "I love you. That's not going away. Not now, and not when we get home. Okay?"

Blaine smiles back up at him, "Okay."

"And besides," Cooper says, his voice lowered, "I was _planning_ on sharing my bed with you when we get home. Just saying."

The words make Blaine's heart leap and before he knows what he's doing, he's tipping his head up and kissing Cooper quickly. He pulls away after a second, smiling. "I can't wait."

Cooper smiles back warmly, "Either can I, B."


	5. Like Puzzle Pieces From the Clay

**_Like Puzzle Pieces From the Clay_**

* * *

_"I am thinking it's a sign  
That the freckles in our eyes  
Are mirror images and when we kiss  
They're perfectly aligned_

_And I have to speculate_  
_That God himself did make us_  
_Into corresponding shapes_  
_Like puzzle pieces from the clay"_

_-"Such Great Heights" - Iron and Wine_

* * *

Just like Cooper had promised, things don't change once they're home. In fact, the day that they get back from camping, their father is out and Cooper decides that he and Blaine are long overdue for a movie marathon. They buy some candy, make some popcorn, and settle down on the couch together under a blanket, exchanging lazy kisses throughout the movie. Things are actually better than Blaine could have imagined.

At some point during the movies, Blaine passes out on the couch and is awoken by his brother at about midnight. "Blaine," Cooper's voice is soft in his ear as he nudges him slightly, "Honey, let's go to bed."

Blaine smiles sleepily, "_Honey._"

At that, Cooper just rolls his eyes, "Yes, Honey. Let's get you to bed."

"I like the sound of that," Blaine says, opening his eyes and finally waking up a bit.

"Good," Cooper says, chuckling, "Now come on. You need to get to bed."

"Am I sleeping in _your_ bed?" Blaine asks, sounding like an innocent little six year old all over again.

"If that's what you want," Cooper replies softly, pulling Blaine to his feet. Blaine just nods in response and follows his brother up the stairs like a puppy after they turn off the TV and the lights.

"Where's dad?" Blaine asks as they make their way up the stairs, waking up more.

Cooper just shrugs, "Who knows. Probably out. He's not home." Cooper _hates_ when their father does this. He just leaves the house with no notice – probably to go out drinking or something – doesn't call, and usually doesn't come back until a day later. Though Cooper doesn't mind taking care of Blaine, he wishes that their father was a bigger part of his brother's life.

The two boys reach Cooper's room and by that point, Blaine is wide awake all over again, grinning at his older brother as he shuts the door. "We have the _whole_ house to ourselves," He says half-jokingly, sitting on the edge of Cooper's bed.

Cooper shakes his head, "You're going to be the death of me." He reaches the bed and smiles down at Blaine, who takes his hands.

"Sit?" Blaine asks, still grinning. Cooper does as he's asked and joins his brother on the edge of the bed. "Can I kiss you?"

"Blaine, I told you, you don't have to ask-" He's cut off by his brother's lips practically attacking his own and though he wants to laugh at his enthusiasm, he can't because Blaine is then sucking his bottom lip gently into his mouth.

Cooper's hands are immediately on Blaine's hips and the younger Anderson smirks against his lips as he nibbles gently against the bottom one. It isn't until Cooper regains dominance and finds Blaine whimpering softly into his own mouth that he pulls away.

"What happened to you bring tired?" He asks jokingly, their lips almost pressed together again. Blaine just shrugs because he doesn't have a good comeback and leans forward again to kiss him, but Cooper pulls away. "Look, Blaine," he says carefully, "I want this, trust me, I really really do. But I don't want to rush this, okay?"

Blaine shakes his head, "I'm not trying to rush it, I promise."

Cooper eyes him warily but nods, "Alright..."

"But can I _please_ keep kissing you?" Blaine asks feigning innocence.

As much as Cooper wants to tell him no, that they should take their time with things, he can't say no to Blaine and he nods, "Yeah, you can."

At that Blaine's lips are attached to his brother's again, softly this time. This kiss isn't soft for long though, and quickly turns into teeth and tongues and small whimpers leaving the younger boys mouth while Cooper's experienced one kisses him _hard._ He wants to control himself, to make this good for both of them, but the noises that Blaine is making are absolutely _delicious_ and he can't stop kissing him. He couldn't stop if he tried.

Eventually, Cooper's mouth is on Blaine's neck, kissing and nibbling gently and Blaine remembers when they had been camping – when Cooper had wanted to mark him. He sighs out before breathily saying, "You can leave a mark, Coop." Cooper just shakes his head no and makes a noise against his skin but just goes back to kissing his neck softly. "_Please,_" Blaine begs, "I _want _you to. I'm sure I have coverup somewhere. It's not like dad would even-"

His rambling is cut off, though, by his brother biting sharply down on his skin and Blaine practically _squeals _at the unexpected pain. "Happy?" Cooper grumbles against his neck even though he's delighted with Blaine's reaction. Afterall, he's the big brother, and there's no way that he can let Blaine know what he's _really_ doing to him.

"_More_," Blaine breaths out, and though Cooper wants to stop it there, he can't. Not with Blaine like _that_. So instead, he sucks gently on Blaine's skin where his teeth had just been, earning a gasp from the younger boy. He soothes over the mark with his tongue before pulling away for a moment to admire his handy work. Sure enough, there's a purpling bruise on the crook of Blaine's neck and just the thought that it's _his_, that he left it there, drives Cooper nuts.

Before he realizes it, Blaine is laying down on his brother's bed and Cooper is hovering over him, staring down and trying to plan out his next move. "C'mere," Blaine says softly, lifting his brother's arms. When Cooper obliges, Blaine grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls it swiftly over his head, leaving him shirtless above him. Blaine's hands are immediately on Cooper's chest and his stomach and he stares up at him in awe before breathlessly saying, "God, Coop..."

The two words are enough for Cooper to dive in and kiss Blaine again as he tugs off his shirt as well, leaving them both shirtless. He kisses down Blaine's chest, only stopping when he gets to his stomach to look up at him for reassurance. Blaine just simply nods, and though Cooper doesn't want to move too fast, he goes to work unbuttoning his brother's jeans and sliding them down his legs. It isn't until Blaine is laying underneath him in his boxers that he looks up at him, worry creasing his brow. "Blaine…"

"We don't have to go all the way," Blaine rushes out, reading his thoughts, "I just… _Fuck_, Coop. I really want you."

The words are enough for Cooper. He slides up Blaine's body to kiss him quickly and whisper, "Alright. I've got you." And then he's back at his hips, taking in a couple of deep breaths before sliding the thin fabric off of him.

The cold air hits Blaine and he gasps as his brother tosses his boxers across the room. When he glances up, Cooper is staring at him with lust-filled eyes, and it looks like he's _trying_ really hard to control himself and Blaine wishes that he would just let go. As if on cue, Cooper leans down and begins kissing at Blaine's thighs.

And then Blaine's heart is thrumming in his ears because _this is happening_. Even if they are rushing it a little, it's happening and Blaine's chest feels like it's going to burst because he's been waiting for this forever.

And then he can feel Cooper's breath on him. It sends a shiver up his spine, but he doesn't have much time to think about it before his cock is enveloped in wet heat and his hips are bucking up into his brother's mouth. Cooper's arm instinctively goes to his hips to hold him down as he sucks teasingly on the tip, earning a long, drawn out whine from Blaine. "Please, Cooper," He begs, and just as he does, Cooper sinks the rest of his mouth over him.

Blaine's fingers automatically thread through Cooper's hair as he sets up a rhythm and when he looks down, he knows he's not going to last long – not with Cooper looking at him like _that_. He's staring up at Blaine through dark, half lidded eyes, and Blaine has never seen his brother like this (and he can't deny that he likes it).

It only takes a simple twist of Cooper's head before Blaine is bucking his hips and gasping out, "Cooper stop I'm gonna-" but he doesn't pull away – he stays put until Blaine is spent, then pulls off of him slowly, swallowing and wiping his mouth. He smirks slightly at Blaine before climbing back up his body to kiss him sloppily.

"You taste so good, B," Cooper mumbles into Blaine's mouth and had he not just come, the sentence alone was enough to make him hard again.

"Jesus," Blaine murmurs, pulling away slightly, "You can't just say shit like that Coop." Cooper just chuckles lightly in response and resumes kissing Blaine, and it isn't until Blaine feels the hardness poking at his hips that he pulls away again. He glances down before nervously asking, "Do you want me to…?"

Cooper shakes his head no, "I don't want to make you do anything if you're uncomfortable."

"I _want_ to," Blaine insists, before flipping them over and sliding down Cooper's body.

* * *

The next week is a blur. A beautiful blur, full of lazy kisses and cuddling on Cooper's bed and watching movies together. Their father is home, but it's not like he would notice anything. Even Blaine jokingly says that they could make out right in front of him and he probably wouldn't notice. And it's probably true.

A couple of days after they get home from camping, things get heated between the two brothers again and Blaine tries to convince Cooper to have sex, but to no avail. The older brother assures him that it's not because he doesn't want to – because _fuck_ does he want to – but it's because he really doesn't want to rush things. And it's the truth. Cooper feels guilty that he let Blaine talk him into things after camping, and the last thing he wants to do is hurt his brother by rushing it. He knows that Blaine doesn't quite understand, but he hopes that he can respect it.

Apparently, he doesn't really get it though, because just about any time they kiss, Blaine's hands immediately go to the hem of Cooper's shirt or the button of his jeans, and he has to pull his hands away and sweetly say something like "Not now, B. I don't want to rush it."

Then Blaine usually comes back with something along the lines of, "It's not rushing it if we've been waiting so long," and then Cooper gives him shit for being cheesy and they end up just laying on the couch together watching TV.

One day, though, Blaine is persistent.

When the older Anderson wakes up on a Saturday morning, it's because Blaine is laying next to him shirtless – how he had fallen asleep – and is gently kissing the crook of his neck. Cooper sighs at first, too sleepy to push Blaine off or tell him to stop because _dad is downstairs_, and Blaine takes it as a good sign. He goes from kissing to gently nibbling and then his lips are on Cooper's, kissing him softly. It isn't until he tries to straddle his brother's lap under the blankets that Cooper finally wakes up enough to realize what's going on.

"Wait, Blaine. Stop," He mumbles quietly, grabbing his hips to still him.

"Hmm?" Blaine just makes a noise in response and dips his head back down into his neck, attempting to act innocent.

Even though it feels _wonderful_ and even though he's already half hard, he pulls away, "B, stop."

"But _why_?" Blaine whines. He feels like a little kid doing so, and he immediately cringes because he doesn't want Cooper to see him like that. He wants Cooper to see him as an adult – an adult who really,_ really_ wants him, and is mature enough to make that decision. He immediately straightens his posture and sits up, "I don't get it."

"Get what?" Cooper says, yawning as he sits up as well.

"I mean," Blaine takes a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts, "I want you, and you obviously want me…" He looks pointedly at his brother's groin under the covers, which causes Cooper to blush slightly. "I don't understand why you're stopping me… if we're both ready."

"Blaine, don't take it that way…" Cooper says softly, reaching out to grab his hands, "I don't _want_ to stop you… It's just, I don't want to rush into this. The last thing I want is for us to _have sex_ and then you regret it. I can't bear doing that to you. You're still my little brother, regardless of our _relationship _and I'm just looking out for you."

"But you _do_ want this?" Blaine asks, causing Cooper to roll his eyes in response because _of course_ that's all that Blaine took away from his speech.

"Yes," He sighs out, "Of course I want this. I want you. I think you're gorgeous and perfect and _sexy_, but I want your first time – _our _first time – to be special."

Blaine's heart skips a beat at the word_ sexy_ and his body thrills when Cooper says _our first time_ and as much as he wants to be frustrated that his brother is holding out on him, he understands. "I want it to be special too, Coop."

Cooper smiles, proud of himself and leans forward to kiss Blaine quickly, mumbling "I love you" against his lips before convincing him to get up and get dressed and ready for the day.

* * *

Despite their little talk that morning, Blaine is still relentless throughout the day. They decide to go see a movie together, and Cooper has to hold his brother's hand the entire two hours because if he doesn't, Blaine's hand keeps ghosting across his inner thigh and toward his crotch. He shoots a few warning looks in Blaine's direction throughout the movie, but the younger boy just keeps his eyes glued to the screen and smirks slightly in response.

When they get home that evening, their father is out, like usual. Cooper decides to make them spaghetti for dinner, and of course, while he's cooking, Blaine sneaks up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist. Though the action is cute, it's followed by Blaine kissing softly at his neck and Cooper knows what he's trying to get at. He brushes him off thankfully, but as they eat dinner, Blaine still has that spark in his eyes and Cooper knows that it is far from over.

And sure enough, while they're sitting on the couch later that night, watching TV, Blaine tries again. At first, the two are just laying together, exchanging lazy kisses, but then Blaine's hands begin to wander and toy with the button of his brother's jeans. Though Cooper is half hard – again – he stops him.

"Blaine," He says sternly, sitting up so he can see his brother's face, "I thought we talked about this."

He half expects Blaine to argue and get upset, but instead his brother just hangs his head, looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry," He mumbles softly, "I didn't… I don't mean to do it. It's just… I really love you, Cooper and I've never really felt this way about anyone else. I mean, yeah I've dated people, but _this_ is different and I'm nervous and I don't know what to do…" He feels vulnerable and inexperienced. Even though he _has_ been in other relationships, he's still a virgin and he's never felt for anyone what he feels for Cooper. It's all uncharted territory, and frankly, it terrifies him.

Cooper's eyes immediately soften and he pulls Blaine in for a hug. "I know," he says softly against his hair as they hug, "I don't really know what I'm doing either…"

"Great," Blaine jokes, laughing a little against him.

"But," Cooper says, pulling away, "I know that I want you, and you want me, and that's all that matters."

Blaine knows that Cooper isn't giving him the go ahead to do whatever he wants, but his words make his chest ache and he can't help it when he leans in quickly and brings their lips together in a fierce kiss. Cooper must have felt it too, though, because his lips are already parted when they meet Blaine's and their tongues almost immediately intertwine.

It isn't long before Blaine is tentatively straddling Cooper as they kiss. And it isn't long before Cooper is grabbing Blaine's hips and pulling him closer, despite his words earlier about taking things slow. Blaine whimpers into his mouth as they kiss and he can feel his brother's lips curl up into a smile as he does so.

"Coop," Blaine whines against his lips, breathing heavily.

The one word causes the older brother to attack his neck, littering it with kisses and bites and soothing the teeth marks gently with his tongue. It isn't until Blaine is whining and trying to grind against him that Cooper stops and looks up into Blaine's eyes.

"Cooper please," Blaine practically begs. He feels bad doing it and he knows that Cooper wants to wait, but he can't help it when he whines out, "Can we please go to your room?" And despite the fact that Cooper _does_ think that they're moving too fast, he hoists Blaine up to his feet, grabs his hand, and runs up the stairs with him trailing close behind.

Mere minutes after entering the bedroom and slamming the door, Blaine is pushed up against the wall, Cooper's lips on his and Cooper's hands under his shirt. They slide up, underneath the fabric until they reach his chest, and then back down to play with the bottom of the shirt, nervous. Though Cooper is experienced, the thought that _this is his brother – this is Blaine_ – kind of terrifies him, and he finds himself shaking slightly when he tugs up on the shirt.

Blaine's arms lift over his head and it isn't long before the offending fabric is off and tossed carelessly across the room. "God, you're beautiful, Blaine," Cooper breaths, palms splayed out across his chest as he studies his body. Blaine feels his cheeks go hot at the compliment and the knowledge that Cooper is looking at him _that_ way, but it doesn't stop his brother from going on. "You're so perfect," He says, kissing Blaine's collarbone. "So amazing," He kisses his neck. "So… Mine," He finally whispers into his ear, before bringing their lips together. The last word hangs in the air as the two kiss and Blaine's body thrills at the idea.

_Mine_.

Blaine's hands find their way to Cooper's shirt as they kiss and he pulls it up and over his head, mimicking his brother's actions until the two of them are standing shirtless in the middle of the room, staring at eachother and panting. "Cooper," Blaine's voice comes out as a whisper and he wants to tell him that he's gorgeous – he wants to compliment him, make him feel good like Cooper had done to him, but he can't find the words. Thankfully, the older boy seems to understand. He smirks at Blaine before closing the gap between them again.

His lips find their way to Blaine's ear and he kisses around it softly before whispering, "Care to join me on my bed?"

Blaine doesn't have to be asked twice. Once his brother holds out his hand, he takes it enthusiastically and follows him to the king bed on the other side of the room. The two boys sit on the edge of the bed, side by side and unsure of what comes next. It silent for a few moments before Cooper clears his throat. "Look, Blaine…" He starts, and Blaine can't help but feel disappointed because he thought things were going okay. "If we're going to do this," He continues, "Promise me that if it makes you uncomfortable at all… that if you don't like something or if I hurt you, you will tell me to stop. I don't want to hurt you."

Blaine smiles and nods quickly, "Of course."

"Just tell me when. And I'll stop," Cooper continues, the big brother in him coming out.

"Okay," Blaine says, leaning in and bringing Cooper's face close to his own, "I promise." At that, their lips meet again in a heated, passionate kiss. There's more behind it this time because both boys know that _this is it._

Cooper's hands find their way to Blaine's waist after a minute and when he gets a nod from him, he carefully pops the button open on his jeans, unzips them, and slides them down his legs. Blaine's hardness is tenting his boxer-briefs and he would have expected himself to feel nervous with Cooper looking down at him like _that_, but he's surprisingly calm when his brother looks him up and down before leaning in to kiss his neck again. Blaine finds them scooting up the bed until his head hits Cooper's pillows and they are laying side by side.

"Can I?" Blaine murmurs when his hands find Cooper's jeans.

"Only if you want," Cooper replies softly, and though Blaine wants to make some snarky comment about how _of course he wants to_, he can't. Instead, he simply repeats Cooper's actions, popping the button open and shimmying the jeans down his legs. Cooper helps by kicking them the rest of the way off and then both boys are lying on the bed together, down to their underwear.

Without warning, Cooper is on top of Blaine, their bodies flush together as they continue kissing, and it's a mess of lips and teeth and tongue because both boys are excited and incredibly nervous. Finally, Cooper's hands find their way back down to Blaine's hips and he toys with his hip bones for a moment before sliding a finger underneath the elastic of his boxers. "Can I?" He whispers, asking for his permission.

"Please, Cooper," Blaine breaths out, and that's enough for him. He hooks his thumbs under this elastic and tugs down slowly, the fabric brushing teasingly over Blaine's cock as he slides them down his thighs and off of his legs. Once he's naked, Cooper pulls away slightly, studying him.

"God, Blaine," His voice is high and quiet as he looks down at him, and Blaine takes it as a good thing. "So hard for me," He whispers and without warning, he pumps Blaine's cock a couple of times, causing the younger boy to lift his hips up at the touch and groan low in his throat.

"Fuck, Coop," Blaine moans, arching into his hand, "Please…"

"What do you want?" Cooper says, voice low and gravely and it has to be the hottest thing that Blaine has ever heard.

"You," Blaine manages to whine out, "All of you, please."

"One thing at a time," Cooper says reassuringly, "We'll get there, don't worry. I just want to… savor this." Blaine wants to, too, but with Cooper touching him like _that_ it's kind of hard to think of anything else. He thrashes his head back and forth, fucking into Coopers hand until the older boy pulls away, and then he whines in protest, his eyes snapping open. "Shhh… I've got you babe," Cooper murmurs and kisses him softly.

The word _babe_ makes Blaine's heart thrill and he's sure that he looks like a total puppy when he stares up at Cooper, grinning. It doesn't last long, though, because then Cooper's brow is creasing and he's asking, "Are you sure?"

"So sure," Blaine replies, "I promise."

At that, Cooper leans forward, kisses him quickly, then opens the drawer on his bedside table and fishes around for a moment before pulling out lube and a condom and setting them both on the bed. The sight of the two things causes Blaine's heart to race because it's actually happening and he has to force himself to remain calm so Cooper doesn't get discouraged and try to stop.

"Just, tell me if it's too much, okay?" Cooper asks again and Blaine nods in response, his eyes fluttering shut. Then he can hear the pop of a cap and he assumes that Cooper is slicking up his fingers because then he's lifting at his legs, pulling his hips up slightly and then a slick finger is circling his entrance. "Ready?" Cooper asks, to which Blaine nods frantically again, and then the finger is pushing gently against him. Once he's two knuckles deep, he lets out a breath that he felt like he had been holding forever at the same time that Blaine gasps as the feeling.

Cooper thrusts the finger in and out a few times gently before adding a second one and causing Blaine to hiss at the stretch. "You okay?" He asks, immediately concerned.

"Yeah," Blaine breaths out, then rocks back against the fingers as if to prove his point and causes his brother to gasp slightly. After his movement, Cooper makes quick work of pumping the fingers and scissoring them until he's sure that Blaine is ready for a third. And once Blaine is pushing back against the three, Cooper pulls them out, earning a whine in protest.

"Don't worry," Cooper assures, leaning forward to kiss him, "I've got you." At that, he reaches for the condom and is surprised when Blaine stops him.

"You don't – well I mean… do we have to?" Blaine asks, sitting up on his elbows.

Though Cooper wants to lecture Blaine about how they should probably use a condom, but can't say no to that face. He shakes his head, "No I guess not." And then he's reaching down to pull his own boxers off when Blaine stops him again.

He grabs Cooper's wrists and smiles up at him, "Allow me." Cooper doesn't argue, and watches in awe as his little brother hooks his fingers under the waistband of his boxers and tugs down until the fabric is off of his body. "Coop…" He breaths out, hand reaching out to touch him gently, causing his brother to sigh out and close his eyes at the touch. "Can I?" Blaine asks, reaching out for the lube and Cooper gladly hands it to him.

He pops the cap open, squeezes some into his hand, then goes to work pumping Cooper's cock and lathering it onto him. Cooper fucks up into his hand desperately and is almost embarrassed at the noise that leaves his mouth when his little brother squeezes him. "B-blaine," He whines out, "As much as I _love_ that, I don't want to come before I'm inside of you."

The thought of Cooper actually being _inside_ of him sends tremors through Blaine's body and he has to stop before the older boy realizes that he's shaking slightly. Cooper then leans forward, lifting Blaine's hips up again, and positions himself. "You're sure?" He asks again, cautious.

"Yes, I'm sure," Blaine groans out, "I need you, Cooper. _Please_."

The sound of his brother begging is enough of an answer, and Cooper allows himself to push inside, just barely. Blaine tenses underneath him, body going still as he slowly pushes inside, and both boys let out a deep breath when he's finally fully sheathed. His head is pressing onto Blaine's chest, which is rising and falling rapidly. "T-tell me when you're ready," Cooper finally murmurs against his skin.

Cooper stays put, despite his body telling him to fuck Blaine hard and fast. He knows that this needs to be slow and loving and perfect – everything that his little brother deserves. "Cooper," Blaine finally manages to get out, his voice low and strained, "_Move_."

And then Cooper pulls out as slow as he can manage and thrusts back in, trying to be as gentle as possible. It isn't until Blaine starts rocking back against him experimentally that he picks up the pace a bit.

Cooper's fingers dig into Blaine's hips and there will probably be bruises there tomorrow, but Blaine can't bring himself to care. (_And besides, Cooper can always kiss it better tomorrow._) He begins to thrust back against his brother harder as the initial burn goes away. And then Cooper hits something, which Blaine assumes is his prostate because it causes him to practically scream out in pleasure.

Cooper stills his actions and looks down at Blaine, concerned, "Shit, are you okay?"

Blaine just nods quickly, his body aching at the sudden halt in movement, "Yes, _please_ Cooper… Do that again."

And at Blaine's begging, Cooper's lips twist up into a small smirk and he and picks up the pace again, quicker this time as he pulls out and plunges back inside. Blaine's hands fly up from the sheets – where his knuckles had turned white from holding on so hard – to Cooper's shoulders, his fingernails digging into his skin. A small moan escapes his lips as Cooper thrusts in and out faster, and he attempts to thrust his hips up to meet his brother's. He knows he's not going to last long, not with the way the Cooper's head is buried in his neck as he fucks into him, but he doesn't care.

"Coop, shit," Blaine finds himself rambling when he feels the heat building in his stomach, "Please…"

"What do you need?" Cooper breathes against his neck, "Tell me."

"Fuck," Blaine moans at the gravely tone of his brother's voice, "Touch me. Please."

Without any hesitation, Cooper's hand wraps around Blaine's cock, pumping in time with his thrusts and leaving his little brother thrashing on the sheets beneath him. And then it only takes two more thrusts before Blaine is coming hot in-between them, all over his own stomach and Cooper's chest. He tightens impossibly around Cooper, and it only takes him a couple of thrusts before he's coming, too.

They lay there like that for a few minutes, Cooper's face buried in the crook of Blaine's neck and Blaine holding onto him desperately, as if he's scared that if he lets go, he will disappear. Cooper kisses Blaine's neck a few times before sitting up – despite his urge to just lay there and fall asleep like that. He pulls carefully out of the smaller boy and rolls over, and when he has the strength, he stands to grab tissues for the two of them.

Blaine sits up and smiles slightly as his older brother begins to clean him off, and once he's done, Blaine pulls him in for a soft kiss. "I love you, Cooper," He whispers softly against his lips. He knows he can be loud. He knows that he doesn't have to whisper, that he could scream it if he wanted to, but saying it softly makes it feel so much more intimate. More real.

"I love you too," Cooper whispers back and places a quick kiss on his lips.

The two boys wordlessly climb under Cooper's covers, not bothering to get dressed. Blaine finds his usual place, with Cooper snuggled into his back, his breath hitting the back of his neck and he lets out a deep breath, content. For now, they don't need to say anything. They don't need to do anything. For now, the two boys are content to lay there and just be together.


	6. I Love You More Than I Should

**_I Love You More Than I Should_**

* * *

_"I am falling, say my name  
And I'll lie in the sound  
What is love, but whatever  
My heart needs around_

_And it needs you too much now"_

_-"Lie In The Sound" - Trespassers William_

* * *

After _that_ night, things go surprisingly well between the two boys.

Throughout June, the brothers spend their time mapping out eachother's bodies, learning what the other does and doesn't like, and most importantly: taking their time. Blaine finally realizes – after many talks – why Cooper wants to take things slow. Like Cooper said; they had all the time in the world to be together – they didn't need to hurry anything. They needed to enjoy it.

July practically speeds by, leaving the two boys wondering where their summer has gone. They go camping a few more times – twice with Cooper's friends and once alone, and every time, they make sure that they go visit the place where they first kissed. Every time, Cooper jokes about how it's incredibly cheesy, and Blaine smacks him and tells him to shut up because _it's not cheesy, it's romantic_.

They have their fare share of fights and disagreements throughout the summer, but every time, they come out together. One evening near the end of July, Cooper refers to Blaine as his _boyfriend_ while they're out at dinner, and it almost makes Blaine's heart skip a beat. And when they're at the movies one day and a teenage girl quietly makes a remark to her friends about how cute of a couple they are, both boys just smile and walk hand in hand into their theater.

By the end of the summer, Blaine accepts that he probably won't be able to tell any of his friends about his _boyfriend_, but he's surprisingly okay with that. The way he sees it, nobody else needs to know as long as they love eachother. Because _that's_ what matters. That, and he reminds himself to just keep looking forward to the day that he can move to a new city in a new state, where he can introduce Cooper as his boyfriend and not as his brother and nobody will even bat an eyelash.

He knows that it's soon to be thinking all of those things, too, but he can't help it. Not with Cooper. And he reminds himself that what he and Cooper have is _much_ more than a normal relationship.

By the time school starts again in the fall, Blaine is spending at least three or four nights a week sleeping in Cooper's bed with him. Thankfully, their father either doesn't care or doesn't notice, because he doesn't say anything. (Not that he says much to begin with.)

Every morning when he wakes up in Cooper's room, his blazer and tie are laid out on his brother's dresser and Cooper is already downstairs, making coffee and breakfast for the two of them because their father is already at work. Blaine can't help but note that Cooper has taken care of him more than their own father has, and he can't bring himself to be upset about that. Not when he walks down the stairs to see his older brother, standing shirtless in front of the stove and humming some tune to himself as he cooks breakfast.

And Blaine can't help but hope that one day, he'll get to see Cooper doing that same thing in their _own_ home. _He'd get up for work and there would_ _be his beautiful boyfriend, already wide awake and singing along to the radio as he makes them some kind of over-the-top breakfast before kissing him on the forehead and heading off to work._

He doesn't tell Cooper about these dreams, but by the look in his brother's eyes when he greets him in the morning, Blaine can't help but hope that he's thinking the same thing.

By the end of August, Cooper has gotten five phone calls about commercial and TV show auditions in California. Blaine tries to convince him to at least fly out there any try out but for the most part, he doesn't. He flies out for the first weekend in September for a couple of auditions, but comes back discouraged. Blaine partially feels guilty for holding Cooper back. Because if they weren't together, he would have flown out to California without so much as looking back. Cooper assures him, though, that it's not his fault, and tells him that the auditions just aren't something that he's interested in.

In mid September, the boys get in their first big fight about Cooper's auditions (because Blaine wants him to fly out there and follow his dreams and he promises that he will wait for him). They don't talk for a couple of days until neither of them can handle it anymore and both apologize for fighting. Blaine apologizes for being too pushy and Cooper apologizes for acting like he knows what's best. They kiss and make up, and by the end of the week, they don't even remember what they were fighting about.

By the beginning of October, things are going great. Blaine is lead in The Warblers (again) and they're sure that they'll take sectionals and regionals this year. Cooper flies out to California a few more times for auditions (because Blaine convinces him to) and even though he doesn't get the part, he's still happy. And of course, their relationship is wonderful.

* * *

"Coop!" Blaine calls one Wednesday afternoon when he walks through the front door after school. Their father's car isn't in the driveway, but Cooper's is and Blaine loves days like this one. "Honey, I'm _home!"_ He yells jokingly, tossing aside his messenger bag and shutting the door.

"Hey!" Cooper calls from the kitchen, where Blaine can hear him banging around some pots and pans. He cautiously walks into the room to find his brother, looking cute as ever, wearing their dad's apron that he never uses and obviously cooking _something_.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," Cooper swears, opening the oven and pulling out a pan, "Fuck I hope I didn't fuck it up…"

"Hey…" Blaine says softly, coming up from behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist after he puts the pan down, "Whatcha making?"

"Well, I already have dinner done, but I wanted to surprise you with something nice…" He says, sighing and relaxing into Blaine's arms, "It's _supposed_ to be a cake."

"A _cake_?" Blaine asks, smiling, "What's the occasion?"

"Well," Cooper replies, turning so they're facing eachother, "I know it's stupid, but we've technically been together for five months now, and I wanted to do something nice for you."

Blaine grins wide and stands on his toes to peck Cooper on the lips, "It smells wonderful."

"Really?" Cooper's eyes light up.

"Really," Blaine replies, hugging him tight around the waist.

The two stand there like that, smiling and lost in their own thoughts for a moment before Cooper shakes himself out of it. "Go change and get ready to eat," He says, smiling, and Blaine doesn't have to be told twice before he bounds up the stairs to change out of his blazer and tie. He can't wait to eat dinner and tell his _boyfriend_ about his day.

Within fifteen minutes, the two boys are sitting at the dinner table eating some of Cooper's world famous spaghetti and talking about their days. "I got another call about a TV show today," Cooper announces cheerfully as they eat.

"Really?" Blaine glances up, excited, "Are you going to fly out there?"

"I dunno," He shrugs, "It would be cool, but it's for six episodes, so I'd have to stay out there for a while."

"Coop, that's great!" Blaine exclaims.

He shrugs, "I guess… I'd just get homesick."

The younger boy reaches across the table to grab his hand. "Hey," He says softly, smiling, "Don't let me hold you back if you want to go out there… It would be really good for you."

"You wouldn't be upset if you couldn't see me for a couple of months?" Cooper asks, worried.

"If it means you're following your dream, of course not," Blaine replies simply, smiling, "Besides, I'm really busy at school lately. The two months would fly by. You should do it."

Cooper smiles in return, "I'll think about it."

It's quiet for a few minutes as the two finish eating and do their dishes together. Once they're finally done and sitting in the living room, waiting for the cake to cool enough to frost it, Cooper speaks up again. "So how was school?"

"It was good," Blaine replies, a generic answer, but then remembers one significant part of his day. "Oh! Oh my god, I can't believe I forgot to tell you!" Cooper raises an eyebrow at his outburst and waits for him to go on, and he does. "I got hit on today," He says, laughing a little.

"_Really_?" Cooper asks, trying to sound un-amused. After all, he can't let his little brother know that it bothers him a bit that he can't be with him when things like that happen.

Blaine chuckles, "Yeah, Really. There's this guy, Sebastian. He transferred last year and we didn't really talk much and then today during lunch he pulled out some stupid _sex on a stick_ pickup line. It was _awful_."

Cooper raises an eyebrow, "And what did you say?"

"I told him that it was flattering," Blaine says, grabbing his hand, "But that I had a boyfriend."

"And he said…?"

"And he said that if that didn't last, to give him a call. He's ridiculous," Blaine replies, waving it off, "I thought you'd find that funny."

"Yeah…" Cooper replies, trying to act amused. To be honest, though, it actually kind of bothers him. Not the fact that some high schooler was hitting on Blaine – he could care less – but what bothered him was Blaine's reaction. Sure, he had dated a couple of people before they had ended up together five months ago, but Cooper knows that those relationships weren't very serious. He suddenly feels guilty because he's the reason that Blaine brushed that guy off today. Not that he _wants_ Blaine to give a guy who uses the term _sex on a stick_ a chance, but he can't help but feel like he's holding Blaine back. Maybe it's the fact that he's been more of a parent figure to his little brother than their father has ever been, but part of Cooper wants Blaine to have a normal high school experience.

Somehow, Blaine senses that something is wrong – maybe it's the distant look in Cooper's eyes – and he grabs his arm to get his attention. "Hey…" He says softly, searching Cooper's eyes for an answer, "What's wrong? That didn't upset you, did it? I can tell him to fuck off…"

"No, no," Cooper says quickly, "It's not that. It's just… I feel bad."

Blaine raises an eyebrow, "Why's that?"

"I mean, had we not been together, what would you have said to that guy?"

Blaine can't help but think that this is some kind of test, so he answers honestly. "I don't know. I mean, he's cute… But he's a total douche."

Cooper laughs slightly at Blaine's response before straightening himself out and looking at him seriously. "I just…" He sighs, "Our relationship is kind of different, Blaine. I mean, besides the _obvious_…" Blaine laughs at his comment and he continues, "But we did get really serious really fast… I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you ever find yourself second-guessing this, I don't want you to hesitate in telling me. I want you to have a normal high school experience, like I had. And if that means dating a couple of people, I'm okay with that."

"Woah," Blaine breathes, holding tight onto Cooper's arm still, "What makes you think I want to date other people? I'm happy with _you_, Coop."

"I know," Cooper replies, smiling a little, "I just… I don't want to hold you back. That's all."

"Believe me when I say that you're not holding me back, Cooper," Blaine says smiling up at him. He opens his mouth to say something else, but then their front door opens and their father walks in. "We'll talk more about this later, okay?" Cooper just nods in response, and they separate slightly on the couch.

Despite Blaine's promise that they'll talk about it later, they don't. After awkwardly watching a movie and eating cake with their dad, they head upstairs for bed, where their tongues are almost immediately intertwined and their clothes find the floor and they spend an hour tangled in eachother and forgetting about their talk earlier. Blaine falls asleep in Cooper's bed, and Cooper stays up late, thinking about what they talked about before he passes out as well. He wakes up late the next morning, apologizing to a sleepy Blaine for not having coffee ready, but Blaine just kisses him in response and mumbles, "It's okay, I love you."

Cooper spends the day while Blaine is at school trying to talk himself out of feeling guilty like he had the day before because _they love eachother_ and that's all that matters. And when Blaine comes home from school, Cooper kisses him and tells him that he loves him and the smaller boy just grins in response and says "I love you too, Coop."

Friday goes by quickly and Cooper is waiting for Blaine after school like usual and they head out to the movies and dinner. When Blaine asks what the occasion is, Cooper just shrugs and says, "Do I need a special occasion to take you out?"

Despite Blaine begging Cooper to let him stay in his room that night, Cooper says no because their father has company, and at about midnight, Blaine gives him a quick kiss in the hallway before retreating into his own room, excited for the weekend. Weekends are sacred to Blaine. It's when he and Cooper go do things as boyfriends – without people who know them. It's when they're able to go out and hold hands and kiss in public without anyone caring.

So when Blaine wakes up on Saturday morning and doesn't smell bacon, he's disappointed because that means that Cooper isn't up yet and they're going to get a late start on their day. He pulls a shirt over his head, in case his dad still has people over, and emerges from his room at about nine-thirty. He rolls his eyes when he sees that Cooper's bedroom door is still shut across the hall and crosses the distance quickly to knock softly on it a couple of times. When there's no answer, he knocks again. "Wake up sleepyhead," He calls and when there's no response, he adds, "I'm coming in."

Blaine is surprised when he opens the door to find a neatly made bed and no big brother in sight. "Odd…" He mumbles to himself but decides that Cooper probably just didn't make any breakfast because it would be rude to make food for the two of them and not offer any to their father's friends, who probably drunkenly stayed the night.

He closes his brother's door quietly behind him and heads down the stairs to greet him, and once again is surprised when he doesn't see Cooper in the living room or in the kitchen. Instead, their dad is just sitting at the table, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.

_Okay… So maybe Cooper went out to get food?_

"Morning, dad," Blaine mumbles, walking into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. He just grunts in response and Blaine hates having conversations with him but he speaks again. "Where's Cooper?"

At that, he turns in his chair to glance at Blaine quickly before turning back to the paper. "He left this morning."

"To get food?" Blaine asks, oblivious.

"No…" The older man says carefully, "For California… He said he told you. Don't you remember?"

"_For what?_" Blaine squeaks.

"He said he told you last night… He got a gig out there for a few months. He left earlier this morning. Around four or so…" He seems unconcerned that his younger son is practically hyperventilating on the other side of the room.

"But… he didn't – we didn't…" Blaine stutters before dropping his mug on the counter, spilling his coffee, and practically sprinting up the stairs. Why wouldn't Cooper tell him that he was leaving? Blaine specifically remembers telling Cooper to go out to California for the offer he got, but _of course_ Cooper would tell him when he was leaving, wouldn't he?


	7. Please Pick up the Phone

_**So Hold on to my Number, and Please Pick up the Phone**_

* * *

Blaine is in his own room in record time and quickly grabs his phone off of his bedside table and checks it for any missed calls or texts. When he sees that there are none, he quickly dials Cooper's number. It rings, which means he's not on the _plane_ anymore, but after about five rings, it goes to voicemail.

_Is he ignoring me?_

Blaine quickly types out a text that reads _"California?"_ and then another that says _"Call me ASAP"_ but doesn't wait for a response. He leaves his own room, phone in hand, crosses the hallway and throws Cooper's door open, looking for a sign that he's still in Ohio. That their father is just pulling some horrible prank.

To his dismay, Cooper's phone is absent and when Blaine opens his closet, he notices a lack of most of Cooper's clothes, along with the suitcase that he always takes to California. He swallows hard and turns around, trying to find a clue – a reason as to why Cooper left without telling him – when he sees it. He doesn't know how he didn't notice it before, (probably because he hadn't been _looking_ for it) but folded neatly on a pillow on Cooper's bed – the pillow that Blaine always sleeps on – is a piece of notebook paper.

Blaine practically flies across the room and onto his brother's bed and grabs the paper. He unfolds it with shaky hands and starts reading the writing – Cooper's handwriting – on the inside.

"_B,_

_Let me just start off by saying that I'm an asshole. I'm a fucking asshole. But if you're reading this, then you already know that._

_I don't-_

_I want-_

_I feel guilty, Blaine.  
I feel guilty because you're this gorgeous, amazingly talented boy, and I feel like I'm holding you back. I know you might not think so right now, but I am. You need to live your life. You need to experience normal teenage things, and I know this sounds ignorant or hypocritical or whatever… but being in a relationship with your older brother isn't really normal…_

_It kills me to do this Blaine. Right now, you're asleep in your room and I wish I was there next to you, but I can't be. I can't keep holding you back. _

_I know you're going to blame yourself, but don't. This isn't your fault, it's mine. Maybe someday we can figure all of this shit out, but right now this is what __you__ I need. _

_You know I love you. I always have and I always will, but trust me when I say that this is for the best._

_We'll talk soon. But you and I both need time to think about this first._

_-Coop."_

By the fifth sentence of the letter, Blaine's hands are already shaking. Part of him – the part that's overly optimistic and trusting – thought that maybe the letter would be something cute or something that would explain that he'd only be out of town for a couple of days. Part of him had hoped that it wasn't true.

But by the tenth sentence of the letter, Blaine can hardly read it anymore because his eyes are overflowing with tears. He has to set the paper down for a moment to wipe the wetness away before he continues reading.

And by the end of the letter, Blaine feels like screaming. He feels like dying. And he feels like punching something. So he does. He delivers a blow to the wall next to Cooper's bed, leaving a small indentation and his hand throbbing. He wants to scream, but he doesn't want his dad to hear, so instead, he curls into a ball on Cooper's bed, one hand clutching the paper and the other holding tightly onto his phone, hoping that Cooper will at least text him back.

And then he cries.

At first, he tries really hard not to. He doesn't want to cry – not because of his brother. But the second his head hits Cooper's pillow, he can't hold it back.

* * *

He wakes up about five hours later, his eyes swollen and red from crying and has no recollection of falling asleep. But when Blaine blinks his eyes open, he feels like passing right back out again. The sight of his brother's room and his scent of him on his pillows brings him to tears again and he curls in on himself tighter and chokes out another sob into his arm.

The note is crumpled in his hand and his phone is on the other side of the bed and when he reaches over to grab it, he lets himself hope for just a second that maybe he has a missed call or a text from Cooper. Of course, he just has a text from Trent and nothing else, and that makes him groan and roll over.

By the time Blaine wakes up again, it's past ten that night and his stomach is aching from not eating all day. Part of him knows he should get up at eat something, but the other part of him – the stronger part – convinces him to stay curled up on his older brother's bed despite the pain in his stomach and the ache in his chest.

* * *

He awakes for a few hours on Sunday – just enough to get up, use the restroom and reluctantly grab something to eat. He tries to avoid his reflection in the bathroom mirror, but he stops when he sees his horribly red and swollen eyes, complete with dark circles underneath them though he's been sleeping for hours, his messy hair, and his raw and red nose. He looks terrible and he even touches his own face to make sure that it actually is himself that he's staring at in the mirror, but he can't really bring himself to care. After Blaine forces down a slice of leftover pizza that must have been ordered the night before, he retreats into his own room and curls up into his previously abandoned bed.

He wants to go back to Cooper's room – to his smell and his bed and the warmth – but he knows he shouldn't. So instead, Blaine curls into a ball in his own bed and lays there, shaking. His father is absent, as usual, and Blaine can't help but be surprised that he either hasn't come to check on him or that he wasn't concerned when he did. He finds himself wishing that he had someone, _anyone_, close to him to talk to, but quickly realizes that the closest person he has is Cooper, and he's obviously long gone.

Sunday is a blur. He sleeps for the majority of the day and only gets up when he has to use the restroom and when he runs out of tissues on his bedside table.

Blaine wakes up on Monday afternoon around eleven and he finds himself wondering why his father didn't make him go to school. He can't bring himself to care enough, though, and figures that as long as he can get away with not going, he'll do it.

He mopes around the house on Tuesday while his father is at work, but finds himself in his room after noon, when everything in the house starts to remind him of Cooper. He even tries calling him once in a moment of weakness, but isn't surprised when it rings twice then goes straight to voicemail.

* * *

Wednesday is different.

It's about six that evening when Blaine's phone rings and his heart practically leaps out of his chest when Cooper's name appears on the screen. He has to convince himself that he's not dreaming – that Cooper is actually calling – before he clears his throat and answers. "H-hello?" Blaine cringes at his voice because it's rough from not being used for a few days and he's incredibly nervous.

"_Blaine_," Cooper's voice is soft, worried, "What are you _doing_?"

"N-nothing…" Blaine replies straightening up, "What… What do you mean?"

"Dad called me," He says, "He told me that you haven't gone to school the past three days. What the _fuck_?"

Blaine wants to scream because _how dare Cooper lecture him right now after leaving like he did_, but he can't bring himself to because he's too relieved that he can hear his voice again. "But… You left," He finally settles with saying, his voice small, "I-I _can't_ go to school, Cooper. I just… Please…" Blaine isn't even sure what he's begging for, but Cooper seems to get it.

"I can't, Blaine," He says, his voice stern, "I have a job out here. And _you_ need to go to class. Please."

Blaine shakes his head and he's already on the verge of tears. "Please, Coop," His voice is shaking, "I don't understand…"

"You will," Cooper says, sounding far away, "Please, just go to school. For me. For you."

"I… Okay. Fine," Blaine says, caving in like he always does when it comes to Cooper, "But-"

"I've got to go," Cooper then replies suddenly, sounding hurried, "Be safe, Blainers. Please."

And then he's gone. Again.

The line goes dead and Blaine is dropping his phone on his bed and there are already tears running down his cheeks. All he had wanted was to talk to Cooper, but now that he had, he only felt worse.

He does listen to him, though. He goes to school the next day, with hope that maybe if Cooper knows that he's listening, he'll call him again soon. He knows it's pathetic and sad and he shouldn't be so dependent on him, but he can't help it.

He walks into school with shaky legs – due to laying around for four days – and is almost instantly bombarded with his friends and fellow Warblers wondering where he's been the past three days. He comes up with some excuse like the flu and finds his way numbly to his classes, trying to ignore the fact that he's actually heartbroken over his own _brother_.

To make it worse, Sebastian is his normal sly, smirky self in class with Blaine that say, and grins when he sits down for English.

"Well _there_ you are," He says, turning in his seat to look at Blaine, "I've missed seeing that face of yours. Where the _hell_ have you been?"

"Sick," Blaine just simply replies, glancing up quickly and hoping it will get the pushy boy off his back.

What makes him feel even worse is Sebastian's uncharacteristic reaction. His eyes widen when he sees Blaine's face, which still probably looks awful from lack of eating and too much crying. His face then softens in concern, "Are you sure you're okay to be here? You look terrible."

"Wow, thanks," Blaine just shoots back, looking down at his paper and trying to concentrate on anything but the reason why he looks awful.

The entire day at school, he feels like screaming. He feels like punching something. And he feels like breaking down and crying. In fact, he almost does during lunch, but then Trent and Wes distract him by talking about songs to sing for some showcase and before he knows it, lunch is over and he hasn't eaten and he's on his way to class.

The rest of the week goes by in a blur, and before he knows it, Blaine is waking up Saturday morning and is immediately in tears.

_It's been a week since he left. A week since he decided he doesn't want you anymore and left you here._

Blaine spends all day in bed, and he tries to talk himself out of it, but around ten that night, he sends Cooper a text before falling asleep.

"_I need you, Cooper."_


	8. To Feel A Little Love

_**To Feel a Little Love**_

* * *

_"Tell you the truth I hate  
What didn't kill me  
It never made me stronger at all.  
Love will scar your make-up lip sticks to me  
So now I'll maybe leave back there  
I'm sat here wishing I was sober  
I know I'll never hold you like I used to._

_But our house gets cold when you cut the heating  
Without you to hold I'll be freezing  
Can't rely on my heart to beat it  
'Cause you take part of it every evening  
Take words out of my mouth just from breathing  
Replace with phrases like when you're leaving me._

_Should I, should I?_  
_Maybe I'll get drunk again_  
_I'll be drunk again_  
_I'll be drunk again_  
_To feel a little love"_

_- "Drunk" - Ed Sheeran_

* * *

The next couple of weeks are a daze.

In fact, Blaine doesn't even realize how long it's been until he asks someone what the date is and then he's in shock when he writes down _October 23rd_ on his paper.

It's been over two weeks. Two weeks since Cooper left. Two weeks of Blaine crying himself to sleep and checking his phone every ten minutes to make sure that he hasn't called – that he has realized what he's done and decided to apologize and come home. When Blaine realizes how long it's been, he's in his English class, sitting next to Sebastian as usual, and the taller boy is staring at him, worried.

"Blaine?" Sebastian's voice snaps him out of his thoughts and Blaine can't help but notice how his voice sounds soft for once, not rude and cocky and sarcastic as usual.

He glances up to see the other boy looking at him, brow creased in confusion and that's when Blaine realizes that he's just been sitting there for a good ten minutes, just staring at his notebook with only _Blaine Anderson_ and _October 23rd _written at the top of the page. "Yeah?" He finally chokes out.

"You seriously look like shit," Sebastian says, voice still soft and concerned, "You okay?"

Blaine shakes his head back and forth as if it could shake him out of it, "Yeah, I'm alright."

"You don't look it," He insists, "You've been like this for weeks. You sure you're not still sick?"

"I'm fine," Blaine insists and cringes at how he snaps at him. Though Sebastian is usually rude and snarky, Blaine feels bad for being mean when he's just concerned.

"Alright…" He says, looking back at his own paper and continues writing down notes.

Blaine tries to pay attention to their lecture – he really does – but now all he can think about is how it's been two weeks since he's spoken to Cooper and the thought of it makes him almost physically ill.

"What are you doing this weekend?" Sebastian's hushed voice brings Blaine out of his thoughts again and he glances over at the other boy, who is somehow still diligently writing down notes.

"Uh… I don't know," Blaine replies, trying not to admit to him that he's probably just going to lay in his bed and feel bad for himself.

"You should come to Scandals with me and some friends," Sebastian replies, smirking a little as he continues writing.

"The gay bar?" Blaine whispers, afraid that their teacher will hear him.

"Yeah," Sebastian retorts cooly, "I can get you a fake ID easy."

"Well…" Blaine glances up, glad that their teacher isn't paying attention to him, "I don't know…"

"It's fun," Sebastian insists, glancing at him and grinning slyly, "It'll cheer you up. Get you out of this funk you're in."

"I think I'll pass," Blaine mumbles, "But thanks."

Class is over a few minutes later, and when Sebastian stands before Blaine does, he hands him a little piece of paper and says, "If you change your mind and want to live a little, call me." His number is scratched out in nice handwriting and Blaine just shakes his head and shoves this paper in his pocket. If Sebastian Smythe is anything, he's definitely persistent.

That night, Blaine is laying in his bed, toying with his phone and trying to decide if he should try calling Cooper again. The last time they spoke was when he called to tell Blaine to go to class and Blaine thought that maybe he would call later to talk about things, but he never did. As he lays on his bed, he finds his mind wandering to Sebastian and he can't help but think that he was the thing that started all of this. It wasn't until Blaine had mentioned Sebastian that Cooper started acting weird and ultimately left.

Blaine pulls the little piece of paper out of his pocket and stares at it for a moment, his mind wandering. Cooper _did_ say that he wanted him to have a normal high school experience. Maybe if he went out with _friends_, Cooper would realize that he's trying and come back. Or at least answer his phone.

He punches Sebastian's number into his phone and sends him a quick text message.

"_I'm in. When are we going?"_

* * *

How Sebastian managed to obtain a legitimate looking fake ID in two days baffles Blaine, but he doesn't argue it.

He tells his father that he is going out with friends on Saturday night, to which he just waves his hand dismissively as usual. At about nine, Sebastian comes to pick Blaine up, and about forty-five minutes later, they're pulling into the parking lot of Scandals. It looks mostly deserted – not to Blaine's surprise – but when they walk inside, Sebastian has a couple of friends waiting for him at the bar.

One is a taller blonde boy with a shaggy, grown out Mohawk, and the other is a shorter boy with dark, short hair. Blaine doesn't pay much attention to their names and instead glances around the sad looking room, taking in his surroundings. It isn't until Sebastian shoves some sort of mixed drink into his hand that Blaine snaps out of it and glances up at the taller boy. Sebastian just grins and nudges him, "Loosen up a bit."

By eleven, Sebastian's two friends have wandered off and are probably making out in the corner, leaving Blaine and Sebastian alone at the now busy bar.

"So what's up with you?" Sebastian slurs slightly. He's not drunk by any means, but he's had a few drinks and the alcohol is finally taking a bit of an effect.

"What do you mean?" Blaine replies, taking a sip of his beer and relaxing slightly into his chair.

"I mean you've been acting fucking weird, Anderson," Sebastian says, getting straight to the point, "Is it the _boyfriend?"_

And then Blaine is suddenly reminded that he had told Sebastian about having a boyfriend only a few days before his world came crashing down. He wants to lie to get him off his back – he wants to tell him that no, he's still very happy and in a relationship – but he can't. "We broke up," Blaine chokes out.

"_Really_?" Sebastian asks, smiling slightly. "My apologies. But that means I can ask you to dance with me, right?"

Blaine wants to tell him to fuck off. He wants to tell him that he's still getting over someone, but he can't. He's not sure if it's the alcohol or the thought that Cooper told him to live his life (and maybe that dancing with Sebastian might make Cooper jealous), but he just ducks his head and says "Get me another drink."

Once he's downed his fourth or fifth drink, Sebastian is grabbing his hand and pulling him onto the dance floor, eyes dark and a smirk spread across his face. It starts out innocent enough, the two of them dancing playfully at a safe distance and Blaine drunkenly commenting on how much fun he's having, and then suddenly, they're close. Incredibly close.

The song has slowed down – or it's a new song, Blaine can't quite distinguish it – and all of the sudden, Sebastian's hands are at his hips, pulling him close. Their bodies move in synch with eachother, back and forth to the music, and Blaine lets it happen because it feels good and Sebastian is warm and smells nice. He throws his arms around the other boy's neck and sways his body in time with him, glad that they're both decent dancers and it comes naturally to them, even though they're drunk.

It isn't until he feels Sebastian's mouth on his neck that he realizes what's _really_ going on. Everything is suddenly electric and he can feel every touch, every movement – Sebastian's fingers splaying out over his ass, Sebastian's breath on his skin, _Sebastian's_ hardness on his leg. He wants to pull away, he really does, but it feels too good. It's been weeks since he's been touched like this – since someone has appreciated him – and though it's not Cooper, he can't stop.

Sebastian is then kissing slightly at his neck, under his ear, his hips thrusting up slightly before he turns his head and whispers hotly, "You're so fucking hot." The voice goes straight to Blaine's groin and he feels a heat beginning to pool at his stomach because he's sure he knows what's going to happen.

And sure enough, one of Sebastian's hands finds its way to Blaine's face and he drags it up and brings their lips together, hard and heated and passionate. It's the first time he's been kissed since Cooper left and Blaine can't help but note the differences – how Sebastian tastes of alcohol, how his tongue is insistent and probing, not tentative and gentle like Cooper's – and though he _wishes_ it was Cooper, he can't help but moan into the kiss when Sebastian sucks his bottom lip into his mouth.

His mouth travels from Blaine's lips to his neck and then he's whispering in his ear again as he bites teasingly at the skin. "What do you say we take this elsewhere?"

Sebastian's dark voice makes Blaine's knees weak and his head nods yes without his control and then Sebastian is grabbing his hand and leading him swiftly toward the bathroom. The door flies open and when the other boy makes sure nobody is in there, he locks it behind them, smirking as he does so.

"God, I want you so bad," Sebastian's voice is rough in Blaine's ear again as he pushes him up against the wall, "I've wanted you since the moment I saw you."

Blaine doesn't say anything in response but just whimpers when Sebastian's hands travel up and under his shirt. The taller boy presses his body flush against Blaine's and he smirks against the skin on his neck when he can feel his hardness. "That for me?" He asks huskily in Blaine's ear, "Do you want me?"

"Fuck," Blaine finally mutters out when Sebastian's hand palms the front of his jeans, and Blaine's mind goes into overdrive, his mouth speaking without his permission, "Yes."

And then Sebastian is kissing him hot and wet before dropping immediately to his knees in front of him, saying something along the lines of "Well let's take care of that, then."

He makes quick work of Blaine's button and zipper and shoves off the offending fabric along with his boxers with one quick movement, leaving him exposed. "Fuck," Sebastian practically mewls, "You're so hard for me…" He wraps his hand around Blaine's dick and pumps it roughly a couple of times, causing Blaine to throw his head back and gasp slightly. "That feel good?" He asks, and Blaine can't help but wish that he's just shut up and get it over with and Sebastian seems to read his mind, "You want my mouth?"

"Shit," Blaine whimpers, "Yes, please."

At that, Sebastian wastes no more time and swallows around Blaine's cock, taking almost all of him into his mouth, causing Blaine to moan loud and unrestrained, the sound echoing off of the empty bathroom walls. Sebastian is messy and the noises coming from his mouth are dirty and almost verging on pornographic, but _fuck_ if it doesn't feel good when his nose presses into Blaine when he takes all of him into his mouth. It doesn't take long – mostly because he's drunk but also because he hasn't been touched in weeks – before he's pulling at Sebastian's hair and muttering out, "Fuck Coo- Stop, I'm gonna come."

Sebastian just stays put, though and twists his head slightly and then Blaine is coming with Cooper's name on his lips. He immediately wants to curl up and die. He just said his _brother's_ fucking name while a boy that he _knows_ gave him a blow job in the bathroom of a bar.

Thankfully, it doesn't seem to phase Sebastian and he snakes up Blaine's body, kissing him messily. Blaine is too numb to kiss back though and has to stop himself from pushing the other boy away because he suddenly feels a wave of guilt wash over him.

"My turn?" Sebastian whispers, and that's when Blaine's snaps. He presses his hands firmly onto his chest and pushes him away.

"I need to go," He says softly, hoping Sebastian will understand and feels bad when a look of hurt crosses his face. "I uh… I don't feel good," He attempts to explain.

"You just need to throw up, baby," Sebastian says, smiling slightly, "I can wait."

Blaine shakes his head frantically no and it makes the room spin. "Please. Take me home."

At that, Sebastian just shrugs, unlocks the door, and struts out of the bathroom, leaving Blaine to pull up his pants and run after him. By the time Blaine is out of the bathroom, Sebastian is already out in the parking lot and unlocking the car.

The entire car ride home is silent and Blaine can't help but wonder how Sebastian is okay to drive (and ends up assuming that he probably isn't) because his entire world is spinning. It isn't long before they're in front of Blaine's house and he thanks the other boy for the ride home and practically runs to his door after he drives away.

Blaine stumbles up his stairs and into the bathroom where he kneels in front of the toilet and immediately throws up. Thankfully, he feels better afterward and sits back, leaning against the wall and breathing heavily. He curses himself for thinking that he was going to have a good night and then is suddenly overcome with an urge to call Cooper. He feels guilty – though they aren't together – and his drunken mind feels like it needs to make sure that Cooper is okay.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials his brother's number despite the fact that it's almost two in the morning and he's horribly intoxicated and it's probably a terrible idea. It rings a few times then goes to voicemail, and that should be it but instead Blaine just calls again. And again. He's not sure how many times he calls and how many times his calls go ignored before there's a click and then silence and then, "Hello?"

"Cooper," Blaine breaths out.

"What's going on? Is everything okay?" Cooper asks, voice concerned on the other end because Blaine has called _ten_ times in the past five minutes and he's worried that there's an emergency.

"I miss you, Cooper," Blaine slurs, leaning back against the cool tile of his bathroom.

"Are… Are you _drunk_, Blaine?" He asks, his voice stern.

"Kind of," Blaine answers truthfully, "And I feel fucking stupid. And I'm sorry, Cooper. I tried. I _tried_ to go out and live a little like you told me but I just fucked it up. I can't do anything right without you."

"Blaine, you're drunk," Cooper says carefully, "You need to sleep."

"No," He argues, "I need _you_. That's what I need, Coop." Though he's drunk, it's nothing short of the truth.

"You don't know what you're talking about," He replies, "Trust me, you're better off without me."

"_No_," Blaine argues, "_You_ don't get it, Cooper. I love you and I need you and you _left_ me. You just up and left and you didn't- you didn't even call like you said you would."

Cooper is silent for a moment and Blaine wonders if he has hung up before he lets out a deep breath, "You're drunk, Blaine. Can't we have this conversation when you're sober?"

"No, we can't," Blaine insists, "Because you won't answer my calls. We're talking _now_."

Cooper sighs after a long moment, "Fine. Do you know why I left, Blaine?"

"Because you want me to be normal?" Blaine asks innocently, "Cause I've been acting normal. I even went out with friends tonight. I drank and acted like a normal teenager. I'm doing what you said…"

"No," Cooper sighs, "I left, Blaine, because what we had was _wrong_. It's fucked up. It wasn't a real relationship. Think about it. We would never be able to go out together as boyfriends… We can't get married. Hell, we can't even tell our family about us."

"Like dad would even listen," Blaine chimes in.

"_Blaine_," Cooper says sternly, "I don't _want_ this. I'm sorry."

"You don't…" Blaine says, sitting up straight and trying to wrap his intoxicated mind around what's going on, "_You don't want me_?"

Cooper sighs, and though it's painful, he says, "No."

"But what about camping? What about all those months together… I don't- I can't- You're lying. You're _lying_, Cooper." Blaine stutters out, suddenly feeling sober.

"I've got to go, Blaine," Cooper says, sounding frustrated.

"No!" Blaine almost shouts, "You can't just leave me like this! Not again! This isn't fair."

"I'm sorry," Cooper breaths out, and then the phone clicks and the line goes silent.

Blaine's phone drops out of his hands and to the tile floor and then his eyes are immediately overflowing with tears. He numbly stands, abandoning his phone and goes to his sink. He stares at himself in the mirror – and his tear filled, bloodshot eyes, at his flushed face – and then he opens the cabinet and stares inside at the bottles of ibuprofen, allergy pills, sleeping pills and medicine. Without thinking about it, his hand swipes all of the bottles and boxes off of the shelf and he flings them angrily across the room, screaming as he does so, and is unable to care if he wakes his father up. He slams his hands on the sink, frustrated and hurt and angry and he wishes that he had a punching bag at home because he could _really_ use it right about now.

Then he sees it. This small little razor blade still sitting on the shelf where the pill bottles had been sitting. He doesn't know how it got there or why on earth his brother or father would keep it there, but he numbly reaches out and grabs it. He then stares at the little piece of metal in his hands, toying with it, his mind wandering. He presses it slightly into his fingertip and sure enough, it punctures the skin slightly and a little bit of red pools on his finger.


	9. If My Heart Should Somehow Stop

_**If My Heart Should Somehow Stop**_

* * *

_"Then in the forest I made my home  
lay down on hard and ancient stone  
then if my heart should somehow stop  
i'll hang on, to the hope  
that you're not too late"_

_-James Vincent McMorrow_

* * *

**WARNING: This chapter DOES contain underage drinking, thoughts of self harm, and attempted suicide. **

* * *

Blaine wakes up the next morning in his bed, fully clothed with no recollection of ever going to his room, but is thankful that he didn't fall asleep in the bathroom where his father could see him.

And then he remembers.

He remembers coming home and throwing up. And he remembers calling Cooper.

And he remembers what Cooper told him. That he didn't want him. That he didn't want to be with him.

The memory of their conversation makes Blaine's chest ache.

He wants to get up – he really does – but his whole body feels weak.

It isn't until his father calls his name from downstairs around dinner time (which is weird because he _never_ cares what Blaine is doing) that he finally manages to pull himself out of bed. He wanders into the hallway and down the stairs and immediately regrets not checking himself in a mirror before heading down there because then he sees Sebastian of all people standing in his living room, looking awkward as his father walks away. He sighs and walks into the room wondering what Sebastian could _possibly _want now.

"Hi," Blaine mutters out when Sebastian spots him.

"Hey," The other boy says in response, "I know it's kind of uncharacteristic and creepy of me to stop by, but I just wanted to make sure you were alright after last night. I tried calling you…"

Blaine silently wonders if he left his phone in the bathroom after calling Cooper before clearing his throat and faking a smile and gesturing at himself, "I'm alright."

Sebastian laughs awkwardly and scratches at the back of his head in response, "I can see that." Blaine then goes to speak at the same time Sebastian does again and he lets the other boy talk first. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable last night… I – well, we were both drunk…"

Blaine is suddenly flooded with memories of Sebastian dancing with him, Sebastian kissing him, Sebastian…

He feels weak for a moment and has to sit down and the other boy almost immediately sits next to him and speaks again, "I know you're not over your uh… your _ex_, and I just want to apologize if I forced you into anything."

Blaine shakes his head quickly, "It's alright. You didn't know."

Then he remembers moaning Coopers name and he feels like getting sick again but he holds it back. Sebastian knows him. He knows that he has a brother named Cooper. Thankfully, if he had put two and two together, he wasn't bringing it up.

"Anyway," Sebastian says, clearing his throat and standing, "I've got to go, but I figured I'd stop by."

"Thank you…" Blaine replies softly, smiling at him, to which Sebastian just nods in response and heads out the door.

It isn't until about ten minutes after the other boy leaves that Blaine manages to convince himself to get up off the couch and go back upstairs, stopping in the bathroom to grab his phone along the way, and he sees a little glint of something silver on the sink out of the corner of his eye.

When he finally makes it back to his room, Blaine sits on his bed, staring at his recent call list – at the ten outgoing calls to Cooper – and he isn't surprised that the only missed calls or text messages he has are from Sebastian and a couple of his friends. The memories of his conversation with Cooper the night before make his chest ache again. It wasn't how he had wanted the conversation to go. He hadn't wanted to be _drunk_ when he finally talked to Cooper. He didn't want the last time that the two of them talked to be because he had too much to drink and fooled around with someone else and was being guilty and persistent.

Without a second thought, Blaine dials Cooper's number and places the phone to his ear, hoping that his brother will answer so he can at least apologize to him.

Of course, it rings twice and then goes to voicemail.

Blaine sighs and tosses his phone across his bed before burying his head in his hands and choking out a sob. He lets himself cry (even though he knows he shouldn't) because he _knows_ that Cooper doesn't want him, because he _knows_ that Cooper doesn't love him, and there's nothing he can do about it. He lets himself cry because he had let himself believe that the two of them could be happy together and that would be the end of it. And he lets himself cry, because he wishes that there was someone he could talk to about it.

He wishes he had a shoulder to cry on, but the only shoulder that had been there since his mother had died is now gone too.

And then suddenly, something inside of him seems to click. Blaine gets up with the most energy he's had all day and puts on his shoes and a jacket before leaving his room and shutting the door behind him. When he makes it downstairs, his father shoots him a curious look and he replies with "I'm going out. I won't be long." The older man just nods and mentions something about having company over later and tells Blaine to look presentable before he runs out the door.

Blaine's hands are shaking as he starts his car and drives away from his house because he hasn't done this in a long time. Not to mention, he's _never_ done it without Cooper. He plugs in his iPod and turns on the radio to try to calm his nerves with some music, but it just serves as background noise to Blaine's thoughts as he drives down the highway.

It isn't more than thirty minutes before Blaine is pulling into the cemetery and driving slowly down the familiar dirt road. The sun is just starting to set when he parks his car and gets out and he takes a deep breath before smoothing his clothes out nervously and making his way up the small grassy hill.

When he's finally at her grave, he doesn't say anything at first. He just stares.

He doesn't realize when he drops to his knees, but one moment his eyes are closed and the next, he's looking straight at his her headstone. His hand reaches out and he lets his fingers trace softly over her name as he thinks to himself. He hasn't broken down like this. Not here. Not for a long time.

"Mom," He finally chokes out softly. He then shakes his head and silently scolds himself, "I should have brought flowers or something, but this was sort of a last minute thing. Cooper usually plans out the flowers and…" Blaine trails off, staring down at the ground.

Finally, after a long moment, he speaks again, "I wish you were still here, mom... I mean, I love dad it's just, he doesn't care anymore…"

Blaine's breath comes out shaky as he speaks and he has to stop to compose himself, glad that nobody is around. "I need to tell you something, Ma," He says quietly, looking down, "I know it probably isn't what you wanted for me, but I can't help it… I need to talk to _someone_ about it, and I can't really talk to the one person that _would_ listen to me, so that's why I'm here." Blaine is amazed how easy the words come to him – how easy it is for him to talk to someone who isn't there – and he silently thanks Cooper, who always rambles to her whenever they come visit.

"I love him, mom," Blaine finally chokes out, "But he doesn't feel the same. Or he doesn't want this, at least. I just…" His breath comes in quick bursts because he's about to break down and he has to calm himself again before continuing, "I feel like I'm dying without him. I know it's not your fault that you're gone, but he's the only stable thing I've had since… Well, you know. I just don't know what to do without him. Not even in a romantic way, Mom…"

Blaine looks down for a moment – listens to the hum of the vehicles on the nearby highway, the sound of birds chirping in the trees above him – and collects his thoughts. "I don't know how to _live_ without him. I know it sounds cheesy and stupid and horribly _Romeo And Juliet_-esque, but that's how I feel. Maybe if he would have prepared me for it… So at least I would have had time to accept how it would feel…"

He chokes on his words and he can't help the few tears that stream down his face. "I'm sorry, mom," He finally manages, "I know… I should be stronger than this, but apparently I'm not. I just… I wanted to come talk to you… before…" He cuts himself off again, getting lost in his own mind. Finally, Blaine reaches forward again and places his hand on her headstone, "I love you, Mom."

He takes a few minutes to collect himself before he stands and brushes his jeans off, then walks back to the car with one last glance at her grave.

* * *

The drive back to his house is silent, just the windows down and the cool evening breeze blowing through his hair as the last traces of sunlight disappear in the horizon. It's a beautiful evening – surprisingly warm for October – and any other day, Blaine would be smiling, blasting music, and enjoying himself. Instead, Blaine's mind is running wild and thankfully, he knows the drive by heart and doesn't have to think about it much. He's got too much to think about as it is.

When he returns to his house, there are quite a few cars parked out front already and Blaine just rolls his eyes. His father does this from time to time – has family friends and co-workers over – and Blaine just retreats to his room like he usually does after saying hello to a few people that he recognizes.

Blaine sits on his bed, body reasonably calm for the thoughts that are swimming through his head, and his pulls his phone out of his pocket. He finds Cooper's name easily and takes a deep breath before hitting the call button.

_Please answer. Please, for the love of God, answer._

It rings quite a few times, then goes to voicemail.

_He's not ignoring you. He just missed your call. Try again._

Blaine calls him again, and it only rings twice before going to voicemail again.

_Now he's ignoring you_.

He types out a quick text, hands now shaking, "_Please answer. I need to talk to you._"

And then he waits. Blaine stares down at his phone long after the screen goes black – for a good twenty minutes – before taking a shaky breath and standing. His legs feel weak and if he had maybe gotten a little more sleep, if he had eaten something in the past couple of days, maybe he'd be thinking more clearly as he grabs his phone and heads toward his door. It feels like the longest walk of his life – from his bedroom to the bathroom – and he can hear the loud music, the happy chatter, the sounds of glasses and bottles banging around downstairs, as he walks down the hallway.

Once he's inside the bathroom, he locks the door behind himself and stares into the mirror.

Blaine's not sure how long he's like that, just staring at his reflection that looks like a shell of himself – sunken eyes and messy hair and the bit of stubble on his chin. He's not sure how long it is before he glances down at the razor he left sitting on the sink the night before, but when he does, his heart is pounding in his ears. He reaches down to grab it then holds his wrist out.

"I'm not really sure how to do this…" He mutters to himself, then immediately feels stupid and throws the small piece of metal on the floor.

_You can't even do this right…_

He then turns around, unlocks the door, and storms out of the bathroom and down the stairs. He's not even sure what he's looking for when he gets into the kitchen, but something clicks when he sees a decent sized bottle of vodka sitting unopened on the counter. He glances around quickly, thankful that the party seems to have migrated into the living room and dining room, and quickly grabs the bottle before running back up the stairs.

Blaine repeats his steps of closing the door behind himself and locking it, but doesn't bother looking in the mirror again and instead opens the cabinet. He scans the bottles until his eyes land on his father's bottle of sleeping pills and he grabs it then crosses the bathroom to lay down in the tub, muttering something to himself about being comfortable.

Once he's half laying down on the old linoleum, he opens the bottle of vodka and takes a swig, cringing slightly at the taste and mentally cursing himself for not grabbing something better because he's going to have to drink a _lot _more than that.

About a fourth of the way through the bottle, he attempts calling Cooper again. He's not sure if it's his "one last cry for help" or what he's even going to say to him, but he's not surprised when he doesn't answer. So instead, Blaine sends him a text that reads _"I love you_" and swallows down more of the liquor.

He's not sure what time it is when he takes a handful of the pills and numbly washes them down with more alcohol.

And he's not sure when it is that he starts feeling _different_. Not drunk, but sleepy.

And he's not sure when it is that he realizes that he can't really control his body movements anymore as he slides down into the tub, his eyelids slipping shut.

And Blaine doesn't hear it when one of his father's friends wanders upstairs to use the restroom and knocks a few times, wondering who's locked themselves in there and why they're not saying anything when she calls _is anyone in there?_

Blaine doesn't hear it when his father uses the key above the doorframe to unlock the door and he doesn't hear the scream when they enter the bathroom and find him.

* * *

**AHHH. I'm freaking out about this chapter. I was really weary about this whole suicide thing, and I really hope I handled it delicately. And I hope you guys who didn't really want a self harm/suicidal story line will stick it out till the end. I PROMISE IT GETS BETTER.**


	10. Three Words That Became Hard To Say

**Three Words That Became Hard To Say**

* * *

_"Dumbed down and numbed by time and age  
Your dreams to catch the world, the cage  
The highway sets the travelers stage  
All exits look the same_

_Three words that became hard to say_  
_I and love and you"  
_  
_-The Avett Brothers_

* * *

The first thing that he hears is a steady beeping noise in his ears.

It's dark and he's not conscious enough to panic or try to open his eyes and look around so instead he just focuses on the beep.

The next thing he hears is the quiet sound of people shuffling around, voices murmuring softly to eachother. Then, he can feel someone's soft hands gently lifting up on his arm only to set it back down again after a moment. He wants to open his eyes and look around, but he can't, so he just tries to listen.

He can't recognize the voices but he can hear them, soft and hushed saying things like "he's doing alright" and "he'll wake up soon" and he tries, he really does to open his eyes, but he can't quite get it.

It goes silent in the room and Blaine silently wonders where the soft voices are and then he feels the hands again and he manages to turn his head toward the movement.

"Hey…" It's a woman's voice, high and soothing, "Blaine?"

_Mom?_

He groans in response.

"Can you open your eyes for me honey?" The voice asks again, and as if by magic, Blaine's eyes flutter open.

Everything is blurry and way too bright at first but eventually his eyes manage to focus on a young girl (definitely not his mother) with dark brown hair. She smiles when Blaine finally looks up at her and he notices that she's wearing pink scrubs. So he must be in a hospital…

"Hey there," She says, her voice gentle and warm, "We knew you'd be up soon."

Blaine opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. The woman immediately offers a small cup of water and holds it up to his mouth for him to drink. "W-where am I?" He finally stutters out, voice rough.

"You're at the hospital," She replies, still smiling, "We don't have to talk about that now, though. How are you feeling?"

"Dizzy," Blaine replies, glancing around the room as he regains more consciousness. As his head moves, it takes a moment for the room to catch up, and he closes his eyes again, the sight making him nauseous.

"That's normal," She says, "Let's just check a few things and then we can get your dad in here, okay? I'm sure he's dying to see you."

_Dad_.

Blaine's thoughts drift to his father, who is probably somewhere out in the hospital.

And then he realizes why he's in the hospital. He tries not to freak out about it too much while the nurse is there, as not to worry her, but as he forces himself to think more, he remembers more. The vodka. The pills. The bathroom. _Cooper_. His breathing starts coming out in short bursts without his consent and Blaine tries his best to calm himself because he doesn't want to worry anyone any more than he already has.

"You okay?" She asks softly, glancing up at Blaine.

He nods slightly in response and she seems to accept it as she looks back down at her clipboard.

It's a good fifteen minutes before she straightens her posture and smiles down at Blaine again. "I'll go fetch your dad, alright honey?"

Blaine just nods in response, wondering how his dad must be feeling – what his reaction could have been – and he watches as the unnamed nurse wanders out into the corridor and toward what he assumes is a waiting room. He finds himself wondering how long he's been there as he waits, and glances out the window at the bright blue sky. _So it's at least been a few hours_.

"Blaine?" The nurse's voice floats through the room again, distracting Blaine from the outside world, "Your father is out getting something to eat, but I have someone who really wants to see you, alright?"

Blaine nods again at the kind woman and waits as she holds the door open for someone.

He's not sure if his heart leaps out of his chest or sinks into his stomach when a tall, tan man with shaggy brown hair walks into the room.

_Cooper_.

He smiles slightly at Blaine and waits until the nurse closes the door behind him before he's crossing the room, grabbing a chair, and pulling it up to Blaine's bedside. Neither boy speaks, they just stare at eachother for a long moment before Blaine directs his gaze to the ceiling above his bed, unsure of what to say. Holding back his tears.

"_Blaine_," Cooper finally breaths out, his voice quiet. It's silent for a long moment before Cooper decides that it's okay and reaches out to touch Blaine's arm.

Blaine clears his throat, fighting back the tears that he knows are going to come. Tears of sadness, of frustration. Of anger. He feels horrible and selfish and stupid. "How- how long have I been here?"

"A couple of days," Cooper breaths out, just happy that Blaine is speaking to him.

"_Days_?" Blaine croaks, "Dad?"

"He's okay," Cooper answers, "Better since I got here."

"And you got here…"

"As soon as I could," He finishes, looking down. Blaine feels a pang of guilt at the look on his brother's face because it's _his_ fault that he's so worried. _His_ fault that he probably had to get on a plane in the middle of the night and fly back to Ohio. He feels selfish for doing this to his family.

"Don't," Cooper says suddenly, and Blaine can't help the wave of familiarity that washes over him because his brother _always_ knows when he's feeling bad or doubting himself. "Don't you _dare_ feel guilty, Blaine."

"But-"

"No," Cooper replies softly, "I should have been there. I should have-" He's cut off, though, when he sees their father walking down the hallway toward the room. "We'll talk about this when you're ready," He assures.

And then their father is walking through the door and smiling at Blaine when he sees him up and awake. Ignoring the nurse telling him not to startle him too much, he crosses the room and wraps a surprised Blaine in a hug, muttering out, "I was so worried."

The next few days are a blur of nurses asking Blaine and his family questions, running tests, and making sure that he isn't "a threat to himself or others" as the nurse (whose name is Bethany) puts it. He finally gets released on a Friday, and feels strange walking into his house that evening. The kitchen, living room, and dining room are cleaner than he's ever seen them, and he learns that Cooper cleaned the house while he was waiting for Blaine to get out. When he goes into his room, he finds that his bed his made and all of his clothes are picked up and neatly folded or hanging in his closet.

He and his father have a serious talk about things over dinner that night while Cooper is upstairs, and Blaine manages to convince him that there was nothing he could have done about it. The look on his own father's face when he realizes that he wasn't involved enough in his sons life makes Blaine's chest ache and they hug again for the tenth time in just a few days.

Blaine's heart is pounding when he retreats into the living room after dinner to watch a movie. His father heads off to bed and he hasn't talked to Cooper since the first time back in the hospital and he knows that it's going to happen soon. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't avoiding Cooper. It's not that he doesn't want to see him – in fact it's the opposite – but he can't bring himself to talk to him about it. He can't bear to look into his brother's guilt-ridden face.

As he sits, watching some movie though, he can hear the stairs creaking and he knows that it's Cooper coming to talk to him. And sure enough, his older brother, clad in some old sweat pants and a t-shirt , rounds the corner, smiling sadly at him, just like _everyone_ keeps doing. Everyone gives him the same sad smile, the one that says _oh you poor thing, I'm so sorry_ and it makes Blaine feel like shit. More so than he already does. "Can I?" Cooper asks tentatively, looking down at the spot next to Blaine on the couch.

Blaine nods, "Yeah"

Its silent between the two for a long moment after Cooper sits down and Blaine can't decide if it's because he just wants to watch the movie or because he's trying to think of something to say, but he's sure he won't have to wait long to find out. And sure enough, about ten minutes into Cooper staring blankly into the TV, he speaks. "Blaine…"

"Hmm?" Blaine responds, eyes not leaving the screen because _maybe if you don't look at him you won't cry_.

"I don't know what to say, B," Cooper starts, "I'm _so_ sorry. I didn't… I should have answered your calls… I didn't know that you- you were…" He trails off, his voice quivering and Blaine doesn't have to look to know that he's on the verge of tears.

He does look, though. He knows he shouldn't, but he does. He tears his eyes away from the TV and looks at his brother, whose eyes are glossy, threatening to spill over with tears. "_I'm_ sorry," Blaine chokes out, "What I did was selfish and-"

"Stop," Cooper interrupts, "It wasn't. Don't brush it off like that. It's _our_ fault for not noticing anything. Dad knows that he should have cared more when you weren't coming out of your room for dinner. I should have answered your calls that night…"

"How could you have known?" Blaine argues softly, "Besides, you made it pretty apparent that I _shouldn't_ call you or get my hopes up, so it's my fault."

It's silent between the two for a moment, Blaine's words hanging in the air, before Cooper draws in a deep breath and speaks. "This is so fucked up, Blaine."

"I know," Blaine replies, looking up at the ceiling because tears are threatening to spill out. Cooper's words are an echo of ones he said not too long ago, when Blaine admitted his feelings for him, and the memory of that night makes his chest ache.

"_No_," Cooper says, hand automatically going to Blaine's chin to turn his head so their eyes meet, "That's not what I mean."

"What?" Blaine asks dumbly, staring at Cooper. Staring at his perfect blue eyes, his hair that hasn't been brushed but still looks just as good, his lips. _His lips_. Blaine practically _aches_ to kiss them again.

"I shouldn't have left you a fucking _note_," Cooper finally manages, "I should have had the guts to talk to you about things in person instead of just running away like a coward…"

Blaine sits, waiting for him to continue, so he does. "I haven't been honest with you, Blaine. And I need to be. Okay?"

Blaine eyes him warily before nodding, "Alright…"

"I meant what I said in that note, Blaine," Cooper starts, "That I feel like I'm holding you back. That you need to live your life… But I didn't mean what I said when I talked to you, okay?" He takes a shaky breath, "I-I didn't mean it when I said I didn't want you or what we had. I was just trying to make it easier for you. I thought that maybe if I gave you a reason to be mad at me, it would be easier for you to get over me… I should have known that's not how you are. That you can't be angry at anyone like that…"

"What are you saying, Coop?" Blaine asks, trying not to get his hopes up. From the sound of it, Cooper still wants to be with him, but he doesn't want to get let down again.

Cooper reaches forward to grab Blaine's hands but stops himself. "I'm saying I love you, Blaine," He says softly, "I always have and I always will. But I meant what I said in that note. I can't hold you back. I'd feel _so_ guilty if you just gave yourself to me now only to regret it down the road. I can't do that to you."

"Always the protective big brother…" Blaine teases quietly, earning a smile from Cooper. He tries to keep a level head. He wants to stay calm because he Cooper still loves him, but he can't help but feel bad for worrying him. That, and things still haven't changed. "So… what does this mean?"

"I think it means that I want you to finish high school. For me, B," He answers honestly, finally reaching out and grabbing Blaine's hands, "And if you still want this… if you still want me, at the end of this year, then I'm all yours. But I can't hold you back. And I _can't_ be your only reason for happiness. My life is going to be in California. I'm getting a lot of job offers out there and I can't be your reason for waking up in the morning, Blaine. Not anymore. You need to do that for you. You understand?"

Though his speech is somewhat bittersweet, it makes Blaine feel better, finally having that explanation – the closure. He nods slowly, "I can try that…"

"Please…" Cooper begs, squeezing his hands, "Promise me."

"I promise," Blaine replies, his eyes welling up with tears suddenly.

"I love you so much, Blaine," Cooper rushes out without thinking about it and surges forward to wrap his little brother in a warm hug. That does it for Blaine and the second that his face is buried in Cooper's shoulder, he lets out a sob and grips his shirt tight. It's been too long since he's been this close to him – too long since he's been able to hold Cooper and smell him and just _be_ with him.

"I was so scared that you weren't coming back," Blaine manages to choke out against Cooper's shirt.

"Shh…" Cooper replies, taking a moment to take a couple of deep breaths and Blaine knows that he's crying too. "I'm here now," He assures. He doesn't say that he was terrified that Blaine wouldn't wake up – that for a few days he was scared that he might not get the chance to tell him how he really felt – because he knows it will just make the both of them cry more. Instead, he's strong for his little brother, just like he always has been.


	11. Finally, I Can Breathe Again

**Finally, I Can Breathe Again**

* * *

_"I lost myself to the snow and then _  
_I found my way back home again _  
_But I can only stay for awhile _

_Now that I'm on my own I can _  
_Finally I can breathe again _  
_So I can only stay for awhile" _

_- Baywood_

* * *

When he crosses the stage at graduation, Blaine feels an immense weight lifted off of his shoulders.

He'd be lying if he said the rest of the school year was easy for him. Cooper left for California again only a few days after Blaine got home from the hospital. Though they worked things out and came to an agreement that if Blaine still wanted him by the time he was finished with high school then they would be together, it was still hard. Cooper came to visit during Thanksgiving and Christmas and every time he left, Blaine felt as if a piece of him was missing.

With time, he found it easier to get through his school year without Cooper, knowing that they could be together in the future, and with time, he understood why Cooper did what he did. Blaine was certain that he would appreciate his relationship with Cooper a whole hell of a lot more if he waited. And sure, when Cooper was home for holidays, the brothers would sneak in a few kisses here and there or even have sex when their father was gone, but Blaine knew it would be so much better when they could finally _be_ together.

So when Blaine crosses that stage at graduation, he feels an immense weight lifted off of his shoulders. He smiles out into the crowd of proud parents and siblings and manages to find his father and Cooper, sitting side-by-side and smiling up at him.

He has a graduation party at his house that night, where he's joined by his friends and fellow Warblers as well as family and of course, Cooper. They don't talk much throughout the party, but Blaine knows it's coming by the longing looks that Cooper keeps shooting him and the thought makes his heart race with excitement. He's definitely surprised, though, when he runs to his room to grab something during his party and is unexpectedly grabbed by his wrist and spun around so he's facing his brother's smiling face.

Their bodies are close, just barely touching, and Blaine feels a thrill of excitement when he sees Cooper's eyes staring down at him lovingly.

"I'm so proud of you, B," Cooper says, smiling down at him, still holding him close.

Blaine grins in response and manages to breathe out a _thank you_ as he stares back up at his brother. It's quiet in Blaine's room, shutting out some of the noise from the party and right now, it's just him and Cooper. Together. Finally. He clears his throat, managing to regain a bit of composure before, "So are you going to kiss me, or what?"

Cooper laughs and rolls his eyes, but eventually obliges and leans forward, closing the gap between them and catching Blaine's parted lips in a kiss. Though they've kissed plenty of times over the past few months when Cooper has been home, this one is different. This one is different because they've finally _made it_. Blaine knows it and he's sure that Cooper knows it – that this kiss is just the very beginning of many to come.

Their moment is interrupted when one of Blaine's friends calls his name from down the stairs and Cooper pulls away, smiling at him. "Go," He says softly, "We can talk about everything later. You've got a party to host." Blaine laughs before standing on his toes to peck Cooper's cheek, then dash out of the room and down the stairs.

They don't talk after the party, because it's past midnight by the time everyone leaves, but Blaine doesn't mind. Not with the way that Cooper keeps beaming at him throughout the night like a proud older brother, and more importantly – a proud boyfriend. Once their father heads off to bed, Blaine is laying in his own room alone, smile plastered across his face as he thinks of the weeks to come. Cooper doesn't have anything to shoot for the next couple of months and plans on staying at the house with his family, leaving plenty of time for them to be together. And though Cooper doesn't know it, Blaine has been looking at colleges in California so he can hopefully move out there in the fall.

Blaine's thoughts are cut short, though, when he hears the door to his room open and close quietly. He listens as someone tiptoes their way over to his bed, and smiles when the mattress dips as Cooper climbs in behind him. "You awake?" He asks softly.

"Mhm," Blaine turns to face him, though he can't see him that well in the dark.

It's quiet between the two for a moment as Cooper throws his arm around his waist and turns Blaine's hair to press their foreheads together lovingly. "Good party," He compliments softly, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Cooper echoes, "All your friends came." Blaine hums in response, too caught up in Cooper's body against his and his breath hitting his lips to be able to come up with anything to say. So the boys lay like that, close and wrapped up in one another, for a few minutes, before Cooper speaks again. "So I'm guessing this means you still want me," He says quietly, lips brushing Blaine's nose as he does so.

"What gave you that idea?" Blaine teases, smiling, and though his eyes are closed, he knows Cooper is smiling back.

"Just a hunch," He replies before placing a small kiss on his nose.

* * *

It's a month later when Blaine tells Cooper that he's been looking at schools in California. Their summer has been great, and they've been _together_ like they promised, and Blaine decides after the first month that he and Cooper need to talk about their future. Surprisingly, it's Cooper who brings up college, though, while the two are out at lunch one day.

"So have you looked at any schools yet?" He asks, taking a sip of his drink and smiling across the table at Blaine.

"Actually…" The younger boy starts, "I wanted to talk to you about that."

Oblivious, Cooper just beams and says, "Alright."

"I've been looking at a couple of schools in California," Blaine starts, and when he sees the immediate panic on Cooper's face, he can already hear the lecture that's about to come – something along the lines of _Blaine I don't want you leaving your entire life behind for me – _and he holds his hand up as if to stop him from speaking. "I know, I know… It's a big deal and I shouldn't move just for you, but I've been thinking about this for a _long_ time, Cooper. I know it's a big step, and I know that there are plenty of things that can go wrong, but I'm willing to take the risk."

To Blaine's surprise, Cooper just smiles at his words and reaches across the table to grab his hand. "What schools?"

"Wait, you're not going to argue it?" Blaine asks, surprised.

Cooper just shrugs, "I trust you. I know I need to stop telling you how to live your life, and if this is what you want, I'm all for it."

"You just want to be able to come home to _this_," Blaine jokes, gesturing to himself.

"_And_ I want to be able to come home to _that_," Cooper confirms, bringing Blaine's hand to his mouth and kissing the top of it.

* * *

It's an early august morning when Blaine finishes packing the rest of his things with Cooper's help. When he goes to sit down at the kitchen table afterward, though, Cooper stops him. "We need to go somewhere," He says, smiling a little.

"But our flight doesn't leave till noon," Blaine argues, tired because Cooper _insisted_ that they get up early.

"Trust me," Cooper counters, "It's something we need to do."

The car is quiet as the boys make their way down the highway, because no matter how many times Blaine asks Cooper where they're going, he doesn't answer. When they turn down the all too familiar road toward the graveyard, though, Blaine has to try his hardest to keep it together. It's not that he's mad that Cooper is bringing him there, it's just that he hasn't been there since that night and…

"Coop, can you pull over?" Blaine asks suddenly, his breath coming out in short bursts.

When Cooper sees the panic on his face, he immediately does so and shuts off the engine, "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"I'm alright," Blaine manages out, nodding a little, "It's just… It's a lot."

"What?" Cooper asks, reaching out for Blaine's hands.

"It's just…" Blaine swallows the lump in his throat before speaking again, "This is the last place I came before… You know…"

"_Oh my God, Blaine_," Cooper breaths, leaning over the center console to wrap him in a hug, "I'm so sorry. I didn't – I didn't know… We can go back-"

"No," Blaine says, shaking his head and pulling away a little, "I'm okay. I just… I needed a minute."

Cooper nods, "Just say the word, and we can go home."

Instead, Blaine looks up at his brother, smiles, and says, "Let's go see Mom."

Within fifteen minutes, the boys find themselves standing in front of her gravestone. Cooper is holding a bouquet of flowers that Blaine had somehow missed in the backseat, and they're both silent as they look down at her name. It's how their meetings with her always go – Cooper brings the flowers and they both stand in silence for a while, and then he does most of the talking. And if Blaine's being honest, Cooper is probably the best at talking to her.

"Hey Mom," He finally says, smile spreading across his face when he turns to look at Blaine for a second. He looks happy, the happiest Blaine has seen him in a long time, and the younger boy knows that this is the start of something good. "This might be the last time we come see you for a while," He explains, "But I promise, we'll come see you every time we're back in town…"

"There's something we need to tell you, Ma," He says, softer. At that, he reaches over with his free hand and grips Blaine's. The boys lock eyes, and Cooper's next words and the look on his face when he says them make Blaine want to cry. "I love him, Mom," He says to her, though he's looking at Blaine, "I love him so much. I know it might not be what you wanted for us, but it's what _I _want for us. He's everything to me. I don't know what I'd do without him."

At that, he turns his gaze back to the ground and shakes his head slightly, "I _tried_ to live without him, and that didn't really work out really well. I know I fucked up a while back, Mom. I wasn't looking out for him, but I promise, I'll _never _do that again as long as I live."

Blaine wants to stop him and argue – wants to tell him that he _didn't _fuck up, that it wasn't his fault – but he decides it can wait till later. Instead, he listens as Cooper keeps talking. "I want to spend the rest of my life with him," He says, turning to look at Blaine, "Only if he wants to, though."

Blaine nods quickly, eyes welling up with tears, and he manages to whisper out, "Of course I want to."

Cooper squeezes his hand in response and turns his gaze back to the headstone. "I don't want to say that this is _goodbye_," He says softly, "But I just needed to tell you not to worry anymore. I've got him. And I won't let him go again, Ma."

At that, Cooper leans down and places the flowers on the ground.


End file.
